Ok so a couple of blogs ago I mentioned how I was nesting a little bit and how a big part of that is that my partner and I were in the process of trying to buy an apartment. I didn’t talk much about it at the time because things were still VERY up in the air and I didn’t want to jinx things. That said, things are now much, much, much more solidified and I feel like I can talk about it publically. I’m beyond excited that we are buying an apartment, it’s really a dream come true for me to own our home, and the place we are moving into I absolutely gorgeous!
As expected things over the last week have revolved pretty solidly around everything that is happening with purchasing this apartment. It’s funny we’ve both become pretty addicted to playing online Tetris and ‘making the pieces fall into place’ which really serves as a larger metaphor for how well the process of home buying has gone so far. We’ve been so blessed with how quickly and smoothly this whole process has gone for us. This week brought lots of big changes, officially signing the contract, and writing the BIGGEST check either of us have ever seen, the seller signing the contract and returning it to our attorney, interviewing/getting quotes from movers, our selling date being completely set by all parties, our move in date being confirmed by all parties, and hiring our movers. We’ve also been doing lots of packing, and have listed our apt. In Harlem several times and shown it to a few people—no one has bitten yet but were’ hoping that soon we’ll have the place re-rented. We’ve started packing and our living room is not so slowly being overtaken by boxes and boxes and boxes (of course I’ve not even thought of starting to pack my clothes). Closing has been scheduled for June 25th and we’ve scheduled our move for June 26th!
Now, I’m sure you are all wondering about how this home buying business relates to femme blogging. Let me assure you, there is so much femme potential about this and it’s not just because we’re moving to Brooklyn where all my NYC femme friends have been trying to get us for years, but there are two very good and very concrete reasons why our new apartment = femme dream come true for me:
Number 1: CLOSET SPACE!!!!!
At our current apartment my partner and I share a closet- I have the lower half (so there is more room for my shoes) and Kestryl has the upper half. I’m sure that I don’t need to tell you how excited I am at the prospect of having my own closet! The closet that is mine even has built in interior shelves that will be ideal for storing my hats!
Number 2: FLAPPERS!!!
Yes I said flappers. Our new apartment building just so happens to be a restored 1920’s hotel!!!! I of course already have plans for writing lovely historical fiction stories about 1920’s high femmes and passing butches *swoon * Obviously the building has changed quite a lot since the 20’s but there is something completely breathtaking about the building lobby that just feels phenomenally femme to me- when you walk through it you can almost hear the clicking of flapper heels! I can hardly believe that in just over a week and a half it’s going to be our home!
On our anniversary in March, Dana and I went across the bridge to a little downtown shopping district and found a mom-and-pop bookstore. The only thing I bought that afternoon was a book called Small Batch Baking by Debby Maugans Nakos. She gives instructions on how to assemble your own small baking containters out of aluminum cans and explains how medium size eggs are better for her recipes. I fell in love instantly! You see I have a little habit in the kitchen of making too much of a recipe and having so much leftover that we both stuff ourselves silly, or the excess simply goes to waste. This book was the perfect solution. The recipe I used was actually called Orange Spice Layer Cake but I improvised a little (per the usual!). I had no oranges, but I did have lemons and pineapple juice and that sounded pretty damn delicious together 
Small changes will make this recipe vegetarian or vegan. I use small silicone baking pans that I got from our local $1 store.
Ingredients:
4T unsalted butter (or vegan margarine)
1/2 c all purpose flour, sifted
1/4 c buttermilk (I used 1/8c soymilk, 1/8c pineapple juice)
yolk of one large egg (or equivalent in egg substitute)
2 t grated orange (lemon) zest
1/2 c sugar (i used 1/3 c)
1/8 tsp baking soda
1/4 t salt
1/4 t ground cinnamon
1/4 t ground nutmeg
1/8 t ground cardamom (YUCK! I used ground cloves)
1/8 t ground ginger
You will need a baking sheet and two single serve baking pans such as these square pans or this heart spring-form pan.
Preheat oven to 325F. Lightly grease and flour the insides of your baking pans and tap off excess flour. Place on a baking sheet and set aside. Combine the milk (and pineapple juice), egg yolk and orange (lemon) zest in a small bowl and wisk to mix. Place the flour, sugar, baking soda, salt, cinnamon, nutmeg, cardamom (clove) and ginger in a medium size mixing bowl and wisk to blend well (I just sifted all of these ingredients together). Add the butter and the milk-egg mixture. Beat with a hand-held mixer (i’m sure any mixing method is fine) on low speed until the dry ingredients are moistened. Increase the speed to medium and beat for 45 seconds. Scrape down the sides of the bowl (very important because you are making a smaller batch so it could throw off the math if you don’t scrape thoroughly with a silicone spatula – I got those from our $1 store too!) Spoon the batter into the prepared pans, dividing it evenly between them. Bake the cakes until a toothipick inserted comes out clean, 30-35 minutes. Cool in a wire rack for 15 minutes, then run a thin, sharp knife around the edge of each pan and invert them to release the cakes and allow them to cool completely.
Problems: My cakes came out really crumbly – the top half was cooked perfectly and the bottom half fell apart. I have several guesses as to why. 1. Perhaps my substitutions caused the mixture to be unstable. 2. Perhaps my oven is the wrong temperature (have had that problem with other ovens before!). 3. I forgot to flour the pans, I only greased them. 4. did not allow them to cool completely because Dana was coming home and I wanted to feed her a lovely cake! Phew. I should really start following directions, don’t you think?
Frosting:
4 oz cold cream cheese (or vegan cream cheese)
2 t unsalted butter at room temp (or room temp vegan margarine)
3/4 c confectioner’s sugar (I used 1/2 c + 2 T)
1 t grated orange (lemon) zest (or just toss in the rest of what you grated)
1/2 t pure vanilla extract
1 T thawed frozen orange juice concentrate
(rather than the orange juice, I put in about 1T fresh squeeze lemon juice and 1T pineapple juice)
Place the cream cheese and butter in a medium mixing bowl and beat with a hand-held mixer on medium until blended. Add sugar, zest, vanilla and beat to mix. Add juice and beat until fluffy. Use right away or chill (then let stand 1 hr before using).
The lemon pineapple frosting is by far the best frosting I have ever made in my entire life! The book recommends cutting the cakes in half through the middle and putting a layer of frosting between the cake layers. Top with nuts, more lemon zest, sprinkles or whatever! Baking is all about having fun and improvising. All great food is made when someone says, “I wonder if this and that would go nicely together?”
I’m still trying to perfect my small-batch homemade mac and cheese – I’ll let you know when it shows up!
So, I’m off on a bit of a rant…again…about how impossible it is for me to get my Lesbian Erotica and Female Bisexual Erotic published. You may remember my previous rants:
Well, Screw That People
Writing Lesbian Erotica…
(I’m getting quite tired of complaining so hopefully you will forgive this one last instance)
Most of you who know who I am also realize I am multi-published in erotica (I’m not making enough moolah to make the mortgage, but the car payment is officially covered…) and that I usually write BDSM erotica of the M/F or M/M or M/M/F variety. But no one usually asks about my F/F stuff, which BTW is piling up like last weeks laundry. There’s a shitload of it on my harddrive…
Unsold.
Unpublished.
Enough to make me want to cry.
I also have a stack of wonderful rejection letters, mainly in the form of revision requests, asking me to make my F/F story a M/F, just change the gender, right, it’s still the same story…
Who in the hell said that? Yeah, that would be one of my editors.
The other big request has been that if I insist on keeping it F/F, at least add a man…make it a menage…because menage sells…granted M/M/F menage sells better, so if I could just turn one of the F into a M and then make it a menage…
Seriously.
This is what I deal with. Every. Day.
Here’s an excerpt from today’s rejection letter: “The work was very well written, and I enjoyed reading the sexual elements, straight and lesbian. All were very well done. However, the work on balance is not a good fit for our erotic romance profile.”
This time I was not asked for a revision, so I have no way of knowing whether they would have liked it better if I’d menage’d it or M/F’d it, but I would almost bet cold hard cash that it was one or the other.
I said I wasn’t going to cave under pressure…but today I am leaning toward an avalanche. I think I’m going to menage PornStar which is a story so near and dear to my heart, I want to have sex with both F/F’s in the story…and I desperately want it published.
Sadly, there is also a hunky ex, very alpha male in the story I’d also have sex with…but only if I got to wear the strap on because I think he’s a real jerk who needs it up the a** a time or three…but who my other editors love so much they want him in on part of the action. Dear Goddess, I cannot believe I am even considering it…
Here is the ONLY reason I am considering it…
I want my F/F writing read. Period. If a menage scene or two will get it read I’m closer than I was yesterday to selling a full F/F manuscript. Yeah, yeah, I know…there are lesbian publisher’s out there. But they won’t even consider looking at PornStar because my heroine is Bisexual and does it with the hunky ex…
There’s my rant for the day…please support Lesbian and Female Bisexual Fiction by buying!
Buy lots!
Prove there is a market.
*Want to thank Calico for allowing me to use this photo I found at Callico’s Gallery earlier today! And BTW I also saw she asked a very interesting question over at Filthy Gorgeous Things, an awesome ezine if you haven’t already checked it out…
Today was a day filled with a little bit of procrastination. I mean I did go to the laundry mat, and did a few other odds and ends around the apartment but for the most part I kicked back a little bit, which is probably good because things are a little busy in my world. This week is the borough pride for my gay4pay job, which also coincides with our annual cultural festival, so it will be a long week at work; my publisher and I are in the final stages of completing edits to the manuscript for my anthology, oh! and most exciting of all my partner Kestryl and I are in the process of trying to buy our first home! It’s a gorgeous apartment that I won’t jinx by talking about too extensively here; just know that we are crossing our fingers really tightly that things work out on this.
Anyway, this evening I sat down before dinner and flipped through the most recent issue of Curve magazine. My complementary contributor issue arrived in the mail earlier in the week but to be honest I hadn’t even had a chance to flip through it yet. As I flipped past my article on lesbian doggie daycare owners, an adorable tiny dog in a dress and a lovely femme leaning over to dance with it first caught my eye! This of course meant that I needed to look at the actual article, which to my utter delight was titled “10 Things Femmes Wish You Knew”!!!
The article wasn’t without problems, but was on the whole quite enjoyable and I found myself laughing, and thus disrupting Kestryl’s reading of ‘House of Leaves’ more than once– Whoops!
My favorite part of the article was
“We have one dog (and no cats), because we’re more like gay men…Also, our dogs tend to be on the smaller side. Because if we had a big Rottweiler-Shepherd mix, we’d have to go running with it or do something else that might make us break a sweat.”
LMAO.
Now I should clarify that Kestryl and I share our home with two cats (who I adore) and my service dog (who is a tiny little femme thing). It’s not that I don’t love our cats to pieces, it’s just that I’m much more of a dog person, and it’s not that I don’t adore big dogs (I used to train and compete in dog sports with dogs of all sorts of sizes) but, as the 10 things say, there is a very very special place in my heart for the tiny femme dogs.
I figured that a blog post talking about dogs should be accented by a photography of my very own Mercury —who for the occasion is sporting my favorite hat that I debuted for the Femmethology release event here in NYC.
Beyond being my angle there is something extra fun about sharing your home with a dog every bit as femme as you are. It used to make all of our animal rights activist friends squirm with discomfort when they would come into our home and see him parading around in little dresses that is until they actually met him. Mercury is by far the femmest dog you will ever meet. He LOVES getting dressed, and will of his own accord go and bring you outfits if he thinks it’s time to have clothes on. But like most femmes he’s more than a pretty dress, and can get down to business with the big dogs. His favorite dog park friends are big gnarly dogs, and he also knows when it’s time to get serious and work. Like every other femme I know, he just happens to know that getting down to business can be accompanied by good fashion 
Back to Curve:
The rest of the article included things like: ‘We’re always right’ and ‘We want you to think we’re pretty.’ In my case the latter is always true, and the former usually accurate
There were a few more contentious parts including “We are bottoms. Period.” And whatever you’re doing in bed, do more.” This is 110% true for me, though I do know that there are femme tops in the world.
The article also mentions
“Please don’t hate us if we try to get you to cut your mullet. Or buy clothes in the women’s department. We’re not trying to change you—-really. Ok, maybe a little, but not to the point of discomfort. You don’t have to wear cute shoes.”
Ummmm no. I like my butches and transmasculine folks thank you. I also like them wearing whatever makes them feel comfortable and can’t imagine even suggesting that they should be wearing women’s clothes unless that’s what they feel comfortable in. I also have a (not so) secret love of mullets, but only on middle-aged dykes, the whole hipster dyke mullet trend can go away as far as I’m concerned.
Anyway, all in all it was an enjoyable read, and seemed like a great excuse to introduce you to Mercury : )
I threw this together last night and it was pretty dang yummy, to my surprise!
Ingredients:
2 T Cooking Oil (I used EVOO)
1 clove garlic, minced
1/4 cup chopped bell peppers (any color)
1/4 cup chopped green onions
2 1/2 cups cut carrots
4 small cut potatoes
1 large can 100% Pure Pumpkin
2-15.5 oz cans Garbanzo Beans (Chickpeas)
Handful of pine nuts, pan toasted
1 Can of Coconut Milk
Combine olive oil, garlic, peppers. pine nuts and green onions and brown them in the bottom of a large pot to bring out the flavors. Add the carrots and then quickly dump 1-2 quarts of water into the pot and bring to a boil. Cook the carrots until they are soft enough to blend. Scoop into the blender with a slotted spoon and add some of the carrot broth to the blender. Let them cool for a few minutes and then pulse the blender until the puree is complete. Return the puree to the pot and add the potatoes, can of pumpkin, the garbanzos and the coconut milk, stirring after each one. Cook on medium heat until the potatoes are cooked.
This soup has no animal products, and therefore is completely vegan and super delicious! I know this is two recipes in a row, but culinary fabulosity is something I consider to be integral to my own femme identity. Once again, this can also be separated into individual portions and refrigerated or frozen for meals to take to work with you.
I want to start this blog by saying that no one does domestic like a femme, but I don’t like the connotations attached to that, because the best cooks I know are butches (included at the top of that list is my partner) etc. etc. etc. That said, there is a specific sort of domesticity that I find to be tied to some specific specimens of the femme species.
My beliefs about this were cemented further just a couple of weeks ago when a rather large package arrived from my favorite Irish femme friend! The package included gifts for my house, as well as items to be auctioned in the benefit auction part of the NYC release event for my anthology Kicked Out.
Kestryl and I sat in the middle of our living room floor and read what was a beautiful letter composed on what appears to be gorgeous handmade paper with bits of flowers imbedded into it. In the letter Dani explained that she was upset to realize it would not be simple to find “Her” & “Her” decorative towels when she meets the lovely lady she wants to share the rest of her life with, and then thought of Kestryl and our genderneutral pronouns and how difficult towels would be to locate:
“I then realized that a “Hir” & “Hir”….was also not available and I wondered if it was something of an issue in NY too. Can you walk into a shop and just pick up a monogrammed set of towels for a wonderfully diverse queer couple?”
To be honest, the thought had never crossed my mind! That said, In the moment I began thinking and was quite confident that it would not be a simple matter to walk into a boutique even here in a city like New York and leave with “Hir” & “Hir” towels. To be honest I’d never thought of wanting them before, but reading her letter I realized quite suddenly clearly our bathroom needed them!!! But, where on earth could we find some?!?! I needn’t have worried, because Danni is the sort of femme that thinks of these things, and when she had realized these were not easily accessible options she went ahead and had some custom made for our bathroom !!!!!
A lot of us spend a lot of time talking about the invisibility that femmes face in our daily lives in terms of not always being read as queer and I think most if not all of us have had the experinece of feeling as though our particular queered femininity was not apprecaited or welcome within larger LGBTQ community, however this morning I happened upon femme censorship so explicit that I couldn’t help but blog about it immdiately.
A photography exhibit titled “Femmes: Front and Center” featuring the beautiful work of Kristin Kurzawa (click her name to see some of the beautiful photos from the exhibit) was scheduled to open today (Friday, May 15th) at the Affirmations Pittmann-Puckett Art Gallery which is part of the LGBTQ Center of Ferndale Michigan, however the center has now censored the exhibit siting that the photographs (which remember are of femmes) are too explicit, and are not “family friendly” which is a center policy regarding art.
According to a Pride Source news article Kurzawa received an email from the center last week stating that:
“While we fully appreciate the beauty of queer femme performance portrayed in the collection, the images do not meet the agreed upon PG-13 or family friendly nature of our community gallery. We have decided to cancel the opening and the show.”
Femmes- this isn’t just about one artist whose beautiful work has been censored, this is about all of us being deemed ‘too much,’ ‘too sexual,’ ‘too flamboyant’ etc. by an LGBT community that in my opinion is becoming more and more conservative by the day. This is a community that is supposed to represent us, not censor us in the name of being appropriate, and “family friendly.”
If you are interested in making your oppinion heard you can contact the Center/gallery at this is an opportunity to make it clear that femmephobia will not be tollerated in our community, and that it is not the job of LGBT centers to police what is or isn’t appropriatly queer I found this contact info for the center from Holly Hughes’s facebook (where i first learned about the censorship):
248-398-7105
Chief Administrative Officer, Kathleen LaTosch klatosch@goaffirmations.org
Chief Executive Officer, Leslie Thompson lthompso@goaffirmations.org
My mother gave me a recipe book including all of my family’s favorite dishes as a gift for my graduation from college (last week!). Tonight I made “Spanish Bean Soup” (alternately, Garbanzo/Chickpea Soup) in less than an hour. As I understand it, the soup originated in Tampa at Columbia Restaurant which features Spanish cuisine in a historic building. Their website says that the chef
took the classic cocido madrileno, a boiled Spanish equivalent of French pot-au-feu. Cocido was traditionally served in two steps, first the broth, then the main course of meats, garbanzo, and potatoes. He came up with the idea that all should be served together. That’s what became Spanish Bean Soup. It’s from Tampa. You cannot order Spanish Bean Soup in Spain. They don’t know what it is. Today Spanish Bean Soup is a favorite dish found in all six Columbia Restaurants located in Florida. This was created circa 1910.
As you can see from that link, their recipe is somewhat more complicated than ours, but I think they taste about the same! One ingredient to this recipe that you will likely have to forgo if you do not live in sunny, happy south-central Florida will be the Cuban bread. Ohhh Cuban bread. When Grandma first took me to North Carolina as a 12 year old, I wanted to pick up some Cuban bread while were at the grocery store. “Honey, they don’t have Cuban bread here” she said. I was shocked and appalled. My mother and grandmother beg me to bring C bread every time I visit them in North Carolina. It’s just that good. Day old french bread will do, but there’s nothing like the crunchy on the outside, soft and light on the inside goodness of Cuban bread. Without further adieu, Mom’s recipe!
Spanish Bean Soup
2 cans Garbanzos/Chickpeas
1 lg onion cut into one-inch pieces
Potatoes, cut in one-inch pieces (1 large Russet, 3 mediums or 5-6 new)
1 Package chorizo sausage, sliced (includes 2, or Soyrizo for the non-meat eaters)
1 Vigo Yellow Rice Seasoning (a tiny envelope with saffron, paprika, etc)
1 ham slice cut in one-inch pieces (can be omitted or replaced with a meat substitute)
Cuban bread and butter
salt and pepper to taste
Method of Preparation: The fast way!
Use a large pot with lid. Combine all ingredients with a generous covering of water and cook on medium until heated and potatoes are done. Mom says at least one hour, I say cook it on almost-high with PLENTY of water so stuff won’t stick to bottom. Don’t add too much water or your soup will be all broth.
Method of Preparation: The slow way!
Place all ingredients in a crock pot with water and cook on low for 4-5 hours keeping the liquid at a good soupy level.
Method of Preparation: The extra really slow, but good way!
Use dry garbanzos/chickpeas and soak them in the refrigerator overnight. Drain, then cook in the crock pot all day. She specifies all day otherwise they could be crunchy. Add the potatoes during the last 1-2 hours of cooking so they don’t get mushy! Add water if it starts looking like stew instead of soup.
Serve with Cuban bread or toast and butter! Like I said, I made this in a pot on the stove with canned beans in less than one hour – it’s a great meal when you’re hungry but don’t want to eat something overly starchy that came out of a mystery box. Really. And this can totally be frozen in individual portions to take to work for a filling, energizing lunch.
Bon apetit!
both photos by Kate Bornstein
This week was the NYC release of Visible: A Femmethology. Having another opportunity to read at Bluestockings and getting to spend the evening with spectacular femmes and femme ally contributors was sooo good. Hearing everyone’s voices really blew me away and added so many more dimensions to the pieces that I have read a few times already since my contributor copies arrived several weeks ago. Over the past several months I’ve been really involved with making the event happen and coordinating things between the publisher, the bookstore, and other contributors and I’m so pleased that on Wednesday night everything just seemed to come together. The bookstore was completely packed, and we sold out of books!
The reading was incredibly successful, but it was also really personally powerful. I was the last reader of the evening, and I selected my piece from volume two of the Femmethology. It’s titled “Searching for my history” and is very much about my love of queer culture, and the longing that I feel for intergenerational community and a connection to queer history and my own journey to femme. In the middle of the piece is a line where I contemplate my journey to femme and the genders that have come before
“Now I show old pictures of me to new friends of myself from so many lifetimes ago: my sideburns (the effect of pushing needle into flesh), my boots planted firmly on the ladders of old boxcars, posed on train tracks, hands in pockets.”
Normally this is just a couple of lines with little larger connection or meaning—however in this instance my friend and fellow gender traveler Kate Bornstein happened to be in the audience equipped with hir snazzy iphone. Over the course of the evening Kate had been busy snapping pictures of the different readers but at this moment did a quick search and was somehow able to pull up a photo of me from 5 years ago. The photo was from when we were working together on a storytelling production called “The Language of Paradox” in Oregon. Ze began showing the picture to others nearby. After the reading ze showed me the picture. I’d never seen it before and immediately begged for hir to email it to me. I don’t have many pictures of myself from what I playfully call “the boy years,” and the ones I do are mostly feature a scowl on my face (I thought scowling made me look more butch lol ) but in this picture I look genuinely happy. Ironically it’s from year two of the production and about 3 months before I was about to come out as femme. There were a lot of things I really loved about being a boy and this picture really captures that time in my life.
Having that picture being shown to people in the audience, even just a few of them who ze happened to be seated near made me feel seen and visible in ways that I rarely am in queer, but especially femme spaces. The evening reminded me about how important it is for me to be out about my past, but how seldom I actually choose to be.
It’s silly, but on some level I assume that people automatically know. I have to remember that my journey to femme was so long ago and on a different coast so very few of my friends in NYC would have witnessed it. Femme is the most at home I’ve ever felt in my body, but the longer I live my life presenting as femme the fewer people actually know about the gender journey I have been on. For me, femme is just another expression of being trans. My gender is just as performed and transgressive as it was when I was binding every day, and pulling on workpants instead of dresses.
There are times where I struggle to feel at home in femme community, call it internalized femmephobia if you will but a lot of it is that it isn’t a space where I necessarily feel like my gender is understood. As a high femme people often assume that I’ve always been this way, and/or that it’s a “natural” presentation to me. The NYC Femmethology release was made special for me because in the midst of a femme event my gender history was known and understood. Beyond this particular event, being a contributor to the Femmethologies has been a really unique experience in community. With putting these incredible books together there was an emphasis placed on recognizing the diversity of femme. I’ve felt very at home there, and as though my history is something that is celebrated and not just pushed away. I’m making it a personal challenge that I am going to be more out about my past, and not just assume that people know or can guess from the big multi-colored trans symbol tattoo on my arm.
Cross posted from Queer Fat Femme.
My Femme “aha” moments still happen, almost ten years after coming out as Femme. Just in the last 6 months I’ve discovered the lasting effects of revamping my lounge wear.
I’m a draglesque performer who has a huge stash of lingerie, but mostly really fancy stuff for stage use only.
Example of stage use lingerie from the Femme Mafia Masquerade in Atlanta. I like to have my Femmeceeing gigs to contain a “lingerie course” whenever possible.
I’ve never had a partner who cared for it. More than one long-term partner said to me “I prefer you naked”, which broke my High Femme heart. All I ever wanted was to be that vixen who comes walking into the room wearing a surprise frilly something or other*. Of course, it was a nice sentiment and helped my fat girl ego to have lovers who loved my body without accouterments, but I am still a fan of frill and accessory. I’d like to think that my ideal mate would like me equally naked and in lingerie just as they liked me equally in and out of make-up.
Last summer I started discovering the magic of vintage lingerie and wearing it as outerwear. Once Deb started selling stuff for Re/Dress (before the brick and mortar store opened) I had a hook-up for vintage lingerie. Here’s me last summer wearing a swiss dot nightie and a miniskirt.
I can’t wait for the weather to be warmer so that I can start wearing that again on the regular.
My friend Molly used to tell me all the time when I complained about doing housework, that she did it while wearing lingerie. It always seemed so weird to me. First of all, I like to be supported when I am walking around, which generally meant a bra, and I had so long associated t-shirts with “comfy” that it didn’t occur to me that anything else qualified.
Whenever I catch Molly randomly on skype, I am treated to lingerie. That’s her enormous cat.
I decided to start challenging the notion that I had to save my lingerie for occasional and brief visits from suitors** and wear it around the house for my own benefit. Now, I’m not really talking about crotchless nothings or underwear that wiggles down as soon as you walk two steps, I’m taking cute camisoles with a little bit of support in them (Target $15.99), vintage lingerie, frilly robes and the like. I have to say, it’s totally revolutionized how I feel at home.
The robes they made in the sixties look like they wouldn’t make any difference, but they’re totally warm because they don’t breathe at all. Probably flame proof, too.
This is a “live from the Femme Slumber Party” picture of Rachael and me while I was on gaycation at her house for the Masquerade. That’s her “Don’t fuck with me” face.
Rachael’s partner Steph, the Gay Dr. Phil and Purveyor of all Things Down Home Texas Wisdom told me I looked like her grandmother in the sixties. I took that as a compliment.
The best part, though, is that I feel totally glamorous and cute, even when I’m just sitting around in my house. Probably one of the greatest things I picked up at this year’s fat girl flea market was this long grey dressing gown that has a plunging v-neck (killer, yet supported cleavage) and is floor length. It’s also super soft. Leah told me it looked like I was going to receive royalty, not just make up my guest bed for her.
For a girl who loves dress up, dressing up in loungewear is really fun. Like putting on a full face of make-up and doing up my hair even when I’m in a foul mood, wearing fancy loungewear makes a huge difference for me.
If you’re a t-shirt and sweats at home femme, more power to you. But if you love getting dressed up, don’t wait for a partner to okay it for you. Do it for yourself.
*Though, to be fair, I do this on stage so it’s not really that big of a deal. And it matters more to me that I do it as a political act than as an occasional treat for a paramour.
**I enjoy the feel of me in lingerie against a butch in a ribbed white undershirt better than pretty much anything.
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