A not so secret fact is that in college I sold dildos and floggers, and helped people find good lube. For retail it was just about the best job that a bearded lady, genderqueer femme, with foot long hot pink and black pigtail hair extensions, piercings, and tattoos could hope for. It was also a blast because like many people queer or otherwise I love sex toys! I’m one of those people that not only enjoys playing with them, but also knowing more about them, and for that reason I jumped at the chance to review fellow femme Tristan Taormino’s new book “The Big Book Of Sex Toys.”
This book is visually stunning with up close and personal color photography of nearly every sex toy that you can imagine, but this book goes beyond pretty pictures! It features smart and easily digestible information to aid with picking just the right toys to broaden your sex life alone or with partners. This book is definitely something I wish I’d had available to hand to customers!
I have a lot of personal and professional experience with sex toys so I can’t say that I learned a lot of new things here, but the book did offer me a wonderful refresher course, and something I’m happy to have on my bookshelf for reference. ‘The Big Book of Sex Toys’ is a straightforward non-intimidating book that I would without a doubt recommend to anyone looking for suggestions on picking new toys!
Also, if you’re a femme author, artist or zinester I’d love to review your work for the site! If you’re interested, please shoot me an email at Sassafras@PoMoFreakshow.com
This is not a new post, but I believe it is relevant to the discussion here. Take a look at my post from November…
I’m becoming a different kind of lesbian and a different kind of femme, and it has all been surprising.
I quit shaving my legs about 2 months ago.
I’m becoming the type of lesbian who gets excited about canning and pickling.
I’m that girl who gets excited about baby making, and sewing cloth diapers and pureeing my own baby food.
I’ve been thinking a lot about capitalism, and its role in my life.
I want to know more about where my clothes and food come from.
I’m feeling less and less concerned about grad school and more and more concerned about becoming a responsible human being who tries do to with less.
My cravings for a more open and poly-leaning relationship are waning dramatically because the One I’ve got keeps on seeming more and more like the One I want. Other People ™ are too hard to manage.
What I’m craving now… there is a long list of things… nature walks, community meals, cooperative parenting, knitting groups, quilting circles, vegetable and fruit gardens and cotton summer dresses…
To think I haven’t worn a high-heeled shoe in months, and only recently purchased clothes at a retail store for the first time in almost a year! My sewing and knitting repertoire keeps growing, and so does my skill at home cooked meals. I know how to make pie crust from scratch!
Life is so different for me lately. Am I still femme if I don’t shave my legs? I think so. Do I still count as lovely, sexy, beautiful? Yeah, I think so. But all these words mean such drastic different things from when I was first beginning to belong to this bright glimmering butch-femme community. It would seem that I’m in the process of refining and redefining my femmeininity all over again. How does it happen that way? Just when we decide that we’ve figured ourselves out, something throws a wrench into the gears. I’m taking apart the cogs and unscrewing the wheels, trying to decide what to change when I put it back together next…
Anyone interested in a holiday card, some of my Grandma’s cookies/recipes, or just a little surprise treat of my choosing, feel free to write to me with your mailing address. If you’re feeling vulnerable, but would still like to remember the art of hand-writing letters, I’ll give you my address first.
I love you all so dearly…
I’m not part of the planning of the Femme Conference, but over the past few months I’ve gotten emails etc. from folks thinking I might have some information about what was going on with the conference for this summer. This week the collective revealed some info, it’s not going to be in Atlanta due to finances, but instead in Oakland. Below is the message the Femme Collective went public with for all interested folks. As an east coast femme I was looking forward to going to Atlanta (secret: i’ve never been to the femme conference) but I fear that unless I book some gigs about the same time as the Femme Conference California just might be too far for me this year. What about all of you? Will you be at Femme 2010?
*****
Dear Community Members,
Finances are tight for all of us these days, particularly for community-supported events requiring travel and lodging, like the Femme Conference. After a great deal of effort and research, we have determined that it is not financially possible for us to hold the 2010 Femme Conference in Atlanta as we had hoped to do. We are incredibly hopeful for our future as an organization, but we believe that Atlanta would be cost prohibitive to both the members of the Steering Committee and to the larger Femme Conference constituency. We realize this is a disappointment for many of us.
However, we have decided that rather than skip a year, we have the resources to hold the Femme Conference in Oakland in 2010. We are tremendously excited at the prospects of holding a conference in the city we had originally chosen for the very first Femme Conference (we ended up in San Francisco as a result of financial considerations, so this feels like a full-circle in some ways)!
We appreciate your understanding and your continued support. All details about hotel, dates and calls for submission will be announced at the beginning of February. We are excited and we hope you are too!
Femme Collective
Hey everyone, I’ve got some blogs in the works that I hope to get posted soon, but in the meantime I came across this call for submissions that I thought some of you might be interested in…..
“Femme Means Attack” is a collaborative zine of submissions by people who identify as femme and as radical, anarchist, and/or anti-authoritarian. Femmes are often seen as non-radical or counterrevolutionary in many radical communities, despite the fact that we can take to the streets just as well as anyone else, in heels or steel-toed boots, and are FIERCE while doing it. As radical femmes, we often find ourselves alienated from mainstream femme discourse that focuses on standards of femme/femininity which are white, homonormative, aspire to be bourgeoisie, and rely on conspicious consumption. Thus, we radical femmes often find ourselves alienated from both our radical communities and femme communities.
“Femme Means Attack” aims to change that by giving us, radical femmes, a voice. We welcome submissions from femmes of all genders, trans and cis, binary gendered and genderqueer, of all races, socioeconomic backgrounds, both urban and rural, of all dis/ability statuses, etc. While submissions should touch on both femme identity and radical politics/communities, we leave it up to each contributor to determine what that looks like. We welcome all types of submissions – essays, personal accounts, poetry, artwork, etc.
Along with your submissions, we ask that you submit a one hundred word bio. This is merely to let us know who you are and where you are coming from on the femme spectrum. That said, there will be a bio section in the zine, so if you do wish to have your bio included, let us know.
Likewise, if you wish to tell us (the editors) your name, but would not like it published in the finished zine, just let us know. However, we do request that you use a pen name or nom de queer so that half of the zine is not attributed to “anonymous.”
Criteria for submissions are:
Absolutely nothing oppressive.
You may submit as many pieces as you would like.
Submissions must be in an easily accessable computer format.
Additionally, written works must be submitted in a format that will allow for editing. That is- editing of format, not content.
PDF files will not be accepted.
Artwork must be submitted in jpeg format.
If any other issues arise with submissions, they will be handled on an individual basis.
You will receive notice as to whether or not your submission has been accepted. If you wish to challenge our rejection of your submission, we welcome your feedback. We only ask that you are as respectful to us as we will be to you. We both identify as anarchists and do not wish to hold any sort of power over anyone else. Thiszine’s purpose, and our purpose in publishing it, is to bring unity and strength to femmes around the world.
Submissions are due by April 15, 2010
Please send submissions to:
femmemeansattack@gmail.com
Your co-editors,
naydeehn pearl messier and gayge sparkly purple unicorn freyjasbarn
Johnny Blazes and I met when we had the pleasure of working together as part of the 2008 tour of The Femme Show. Johnny’s work there was fantastic and really spoke to me as a genderqueer femme with a complicated gender history. As someone whose performance work is almost exclusivly word based, I also really appreciated the way that Johnny uses all sorts of movement to convey stories- it’s not a style I ususally have an easy time following, but Johnny’s style is so smooth I found myself picking up on nuances of movement that normally wouldn’t connect for me.
One of the things I’ve loved about work of Johnny’s that I’ve seen is how ze challenges labeles, expereinces, and socialization in a style which maybe can best be summed up in the first part of Johnny’s statement of purpose on hir website:
“Perhaps somewhere along the line you got the message that you are ordinary. Or if you are not, that you should strive to be. Fit in. Follow the trend. Be normal. Yet in a world of 7 billion people—each with their own way of expressing, being, living—how can any one thing be considered “normal”? This seemingly simple question is one that we often forget to ask. We allow ourselves to be persuaded by media and power structures in place that there is a correct way to be. Their labels—“white,” “woman,” “middle class,” have strict definitions. When we allow ourselves to believe these definitions, to assimilate them into our consciousness, then we become limited by their immovable boundaries and stop being truly ourselves.”
I’ve never seen Johnny’s full-length solo show wo(n)man but am really excited that it’s coming to the city! The show will be up at WOW Café Theater here in NYC. Wo(n)man is a one-person, evening-length show that incorporates theater, dance, drag, circus arts, clowning and classical voice to humorously explore notions of gender performativity.
Friday January 15 – Sunday January 17, all shows at 8 pm
WOW Café Theater
59-61 East 4th St, Fourth Floor
$15
I’ve already got my tickets and will be there Sunday night! Now I just have to figure out what to wear!!!!
I got linked to this on Facebook this evening, and wanted to pass the info along to all of you!
Call for Workshops, Papers, Performance, and Art
Femme of Color Symposium (FOCS) 2010: Celebrations and Reflections
March 26-28, 2009
Astor Crowne Plaza
739 Canal Street
New Orleans, Louisiana 70130
www.focs2010.com
FOCS2010: Celebrations and Reflections, the inaugural symposium by and for self-identified FEMMES of COLOR, will create the opportunity—through workshops, community building/social activities, presentations, panels, and/or performances—to uncover and discover our similarities, our differences, our needs and how to build the bridges that will allow us to support each other in all ofwho we are. It will serve as a launch point for a real-time and virtual nation-wide network of diverse individuals, prompt dialogue, and empower us to cultivate, sustain, and celebrate the vibrant connections we have made and will make among femmes of color.
We invite femmes of color from all over the map—community members, artists, academics, homemakers, activists, etc.—to participate in FOCS2010 as presenters and participants.
Submissions of all kinds are welcome. In particular, we hope that the intersections of femme with race, region, class, faith, access, ability, privilege, and marginalization will be talked about, given space, meditated upon, constructed, and deconstructed.
We hope to draw participants from across discipline, medium, and social boundaries. We encourage submissions from anyone interested, regardless of sexual identity (lesbian/gay, bisexual, etc.). We do ask that you read our mission statement before submitting. Though we would not be able to live, love and/or laugh without our many allies, this conference is for elf-identified femmes of color only.
We are soliciting contributions from any woman who is interested, including (but not limited to):
Workshops
Performances
research presentations
skill shares
activist & organizational topics
visual art
video or film
Submission deadline is January 31, 2010.
To submit a proposal, please submit the following to Krysia Villon at klvillon at aol dot com. Please put “FOCS Proposal” in the subjectheader.
*For research presentations, send a 300 word abstract
*For workshop and skillshare proposals, send a 300 word description of your workshop or skillshare ideas
*Visual artists should send samples of work and a 300 word description of their artistic vision
*Performers, filmmakers and other creative artists should contact us for more information
To learn more about us, our mission and to contact us with any questions, comments or concerns, please find us at our website: www.focs2010.com
Happy New Year Femme Folks!!!
It’s been quite a year for me, and I feel really blessed that I’ve been able to spend bits and pieces of it with you, and I look forward to sharing 2010 with you as well! Of course this isn’t just any new year, here we all stand at the end of the decade, and I like many other folks have been thinking a lot about what has changed in my life over the course of the last 10 years. In some ways the answer is simple….. EVERYTHING!
10 years ago I was a conservative high school student in Milwaukie Oregon whose life revolved around dog agility trials. I was not femme. I was trying (and failing) to be a tomboy. If you had told me 10 years ago that I would have thrown away all my pants, that I would live in NYC, and I would be queer I would never have believed you!
I’ve been a lot of people in my relatively short 25 years on this planet. I’ve been thinking a lot about the ways in which I’ve killed off former selves, the conservative, rural, quiet, shy, and nervous. I wonder what she would think of me now. Would she forgive me? Would she understand that her dreams were not compatible with the life I grew to want? At 15 I’d never been on a date, I had no idea that I was queer, and I did not write. I’ve killed her, but pieces still race through my bloodstream. They run the way she ran with dogs.
I’ve come to terms with my past lives, I’ve forgiven those selves for the evils they did, or their shortcomings. I’ve forgiven myself for knowing wouldn’t be friends with them. How I’d avoid them at a party, or if they were related to me I’d send awkward cards on Christmas and their birthdays but I wouldn’t go visit…well maybe some of them, but the oldest selves? They’d be lucky if I didn’t disown them. The legacy I’ve learned best from my family of origin is that of disownment.
I have ink to commemorate them, their lives, and their losses. I took from them everything important in order to be here today. I took their dreams, their loves, and their identities. I had to. I saw no other option. I hope that they can forgive me as I’ve forgiven them for not being what I wanted, what I needed.
I don’t think the girl I was 10 years ago would really like or understand the femme I am today. I’ve forgiven her shortcomings; I hope she can forgive me for taking her dreams. 2009 has been an incredible year for me, it’s marked a full year at my dayjob, it’s brought touring opportunities I’d never dreamed of, my partner and I bought our own apartment, there is no doubt that the year has treated me well. Sitting here staring 2010 in the face, I’m welcoming it with open arms, and it seems fitting that new years day begins the pre-sale* on my first book: Kicked Out, an anthology of current and former homeless LGBTQ youth.
The girl I was 10 years ago still lived with her mother, she had yet to kick her stepfather out of the home. She’d never told anyone that her mother drank, or that she was abused. The girl I was 10 years ago didn’t have the words to talk about what she’d seen; she didn’t even know that other people dared say those words out loud. The girl I was 10 years ago did not write. Even then she knew that writing was dangerous. Even though the girl I was 10 years ago might not understand the femme I am today, if she could see me now, could see that I got away, that I told, if she read the words I’ve dedicated my life to writing, if she saw this book, and heard the chorus of others telling their/hers/mine/our stories, I think she’d be proud.
*If you are interested in ordering a copy of Kicked Out, the pre-sale opened today. You can find more info about it at http://homofactuspress.com/books/kicked_out/. Their running a really great buy one- get one free promotion right now where if you buy kicked out you’ll get any other of their titles (including The Femmethology!) for FREE!!!!
Sorry for the delay I will have a couple of really great blog posts for you over the next week or so including a review of a fantastic new book by Lee Harrington (one of our own Femmes Guide bloggers), as well as a preview of Johnny Blazes solo show “wo(n)man show” which will be up at the WOW Cafe here in NYC next month. Johnny and I met performing together with The Femme Show a couple of years ago and I’m so excited to see this newest work!
i’m working on this blog while my wonderful partner (seriously the best butch in the world who just got pink on hir hands just for me 
)bleaches the roots of my little pink streaks in the back of my head. Here’s a picture that shows the pink on one side.
In my younger and punker days my hair was dyed into a rainbow of colors. This coincided with my living as a butch and then as an FTM all sorts of short punky cuts to accompany the variety of colors that streaked the bathroom tubs of the various houses and apartments I lived in during those years. When I came out as femme I had bi-hawks and dyed them hot pink (chemical burning my scalp in the process) and was in heaven. At that time, claiming my identity through the way I styled my hair felt important. When I came out as femme I pretty immediately started wishing my hair was long again too. The pink bi-hawks pulled into little pigtails with glittering hair clips in them satisfied me for a while but then I knew the time had come to start growing, and believe me it took a long time. Growing my hair out took me about 2.5-3 years. During that time there were months I couldn’t stand looking in a mirror because the growth was so awkward (made more awkward by the fact i refused to cut my bi-hawks when I started growing because it would have meant shaving all my hair). Now, 4 years later I can pretty safely say that my hair is considered “long” by most anyone who sees it, and thanks to some pretty aggressive trimming a few years ago all of the damaged parts from the bi-hawks are long cut out. Although my hair had grown a lot there still felt like there was something missing, I knew that I wanted….no, I needed to be pink. Not all pink, just a little touch in places, and for my birthday (last may) I got my wish.
Since the spring I’ve been rocking two little pink streaks in the back of my head and loving them! For me, hair has been an important signifier both to myself and to the world about my identity as femme. Having long hair makes me feel more femme. and the pink streaks are really the icing on the cupcake that is my life is a femme
I don’t know any femme that doesn’t have a story about hair (two artists i performed with in The Femme Show had entire performance pieces dedicated to their relationships around their hair). There are femmes I know who feel most powerful in their identity when their heads are shaved, for others it’s with wigs and hair extensions (those were my saviors through some rough months of hair growth). I’m rocking my gray streak in my bangs (had it since high school) while I know other femmes who wouldn’t be caught dead with gray hair. What about you? Do you have a story about your hair? Is it part of how you conceptualize your gender?
As I work out the learning curve on a new editing program for FemmeCast: The Queer Fat Femme Podcast Guide to Life, I have started to produce some video podcasts. The first one is me (Bevin Branlandingham) and Taueret (Ferocity Correspondent) doing some activist stretches. Sometimes the holidays give you The Rage and you just gotta stretch it out.
(For some reason it’s not letting me embed the video–so here is the link to youtube!)
I have more to come, one on a fun game called Intervention (not like the tv show), another from FemmeCamp in Austin, TX and another one from the Fat Studies Reader release event in Brooklyn.
Stay tuned for more at The Queer Fat Femme Blog Guide to Life.
photo taken by me late December 2007 when I was @Sylvia’s doing a writing workshop
This can be a rough time of year for a lot of LGBTQ folks, but it’s especially hard for the thousands of homeless LGBTQ youth across the country who not only are being bombarded with the frequently triggering imagery of the importance of “going home for the holidays” but also have to deal with the basic realities of survival. That’s the reality of the 40% of homeless youth in this country that identify as LGBTQ.
As most of you know when I’m not here blogging about all things femme the main focus of my work is on storytelling and trying to do my part to try to end the epidemic of LGBTQ youth homelessness. Through this work with my anthology Kicked Out I’ve had the pleasure of working closely with an incredible organization here in NYC called Sylvia’s Place. I know that this isn’t an explicitly femme themed post, but I think you can all forgive a bit of topic creep for a good cause, and besides lots of homeless LGBTQ youth are femmes.
Sylvia’s is the only emergency shelter for LGBTQ youth in NYC, this is the real deal. I had the extreme privilege of working with some of the youth that call the shelter home as they crafted their submissions for the Kicked Out anthology, and have had many conversations with staff members. Let me assure you this is the real deal. Sylvia’s Place which is housed in the basement of the MCC Church of NYC is saving lives every day, and they need our help. The youth living (over 40 on any given night) who are living in about 800 square feet might be going to sleep on concrete floors (yes really), but they are safe, have supportive staff to talk to, and have eaten dinner. Sylvia’s needs our help to continue providing these services. This has been a rough year for all non profits but Sylvia’s place has been hit harder than most, the city of New York has pulled a major chunk of their funding and they are surviving because of donations from folks like us.
In NYC? There will be two benefit holiday parties / food& clothing drives next week (you can get more info here)
Tuesday Dec. 15 @ The Phoenix
W. 13th Street btw. 1st Ave and Ave A
9 PM
Thursday Dec. 17 @ Nowhere Bar
322 E. 14th Street btw.1st and 2nd Aves
9 PM
There are items that are desperately and urgently needed this year:
Toothpaste and toothbrushes
Personal hygiene products
Warm socks
Cold and Flu medicines-generics and store brands are fine
Basic first aid supplies
Canned and boxed food goods
Coats,jackets, and gloves-used and clean is fine
Hats and caps-used and clean is fine
Scarfs-used and clean is fine
Blankets-used and clean is fine
If you aren’t in NYC and still want to help you can send any of the above items directly to Sylvia’s Place or send them such much needed cash. All donations are tax deductible . I know some folks outside of the city are getting together and sending one big box to cut down on shipping expenses- its’ a great idea! After all, I know a lot of us have so many more fabulous (and warm) clothes than we need.
Homeless Youth Services
c/o MCCNY
446 W. 36th St.
(between 9th & 10th Ave.)
New York, NY
10018
Checks and money orders should be made payable to
M.C.C.N.Y.Y.S
Sylvia’s also accepts Pay Pal and Credit Cards.
http://www.homelessyouthservices.org/Generalpaypal.html
My partner and I are going out this weekend to purchase some toiletries, to bring with us next Thursday to the event at Nowhere bar. I’m also going to raid my dressing room- I have about 4 warm coats that no longer fit me properly, but are so fabulous that I just haven’t been able to bring myself to give them away, until now. I know for a fact that there are a lot of femmes of all genders living at Sylvia’s place who need a warm coat, and I’m sure will fall in love with one of these.
Come on femmes, let’s get donating!!!!!!!!!
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