Femme is What it Means to You
I was talking in my kitchen the other day with F, the woman I’m fucking/seeing/having an amazing time with. I’m not quite sure what it is that I said, but I was talking about my Femme identity. She said something about not knowing quite what a Femme was, but that she was sure she wasn’t one, because of how she acted/dressed/etc, the lack of make up often, and so on.
I tried to explain that for me, I created my own Femme identity. I don’t own stilettos (never have, never will), and I wear the hot pin up heels I have very rarely, due to 3 knee surgeries and ankle injuries. I am allergic to pink, and own 1 pink sex toy, and there is pink on my “fuck you” purse. Otherwise, I live a pink free lifestyle. I *just* bought my first foundation ever, and I only wear lipstick if I am dressing up in a 50′s rockabilly style, or for a photoshoot. I LOVE to shovel snow and to cook (in nothing but a leopard print apron!). I can check my oil and tire pressure, and change a tire, and I am amazing at doing interior design. I like to bottom, I like to top. I like being dominant and submissive. I have long hair and wear cute fucking underwear, but sometimes like to sleep in boxers and a t-shirt.
I am a Femme. I like Butches, I like transguys, I sometimes like other Femmes, and I like undefined people as well. I have created this identity for myself. I am a Femme. Not the same Femme as Hussy or Scarlet or Miss Avarice or Catalina or or or or or. I am my own Femme. Femme is what it means to me, and no one can take that away from me.
Other posts by essinem
- Inspiration - August 24th, 2010
- Defining Femme - June 17th, 2010
- Polyamory 101/Relationship Mapping Class - Denver, CO - February 15th, 2009
- The Femme Spiral...in real life - February 10th, 2009
- A study on ethnography and dykes - February 6th, 2009
Tags: butch/femme, definitions, femme, femme identity, gender, gender presentation, identity, queer
4 Comments
hussy red
September 22nd, 2008 at 6:02 pm
word, lady. well said! my life looks like pink was on the tilt-a-whirl all day and puked all over the place, but i totally love that you don’t just have, but *live* a pink-free lifestyle. you’re a damn fierce, hot, fucking fabulous femme. plus, you’re a badass roller derby femme. no one got anything on you!
xoxo.
essinem
September 24th, 2008 at 2:07 am
Awww. Thanks sunshine!
Sexuality Happens » Le Interwebs Round-Up
September 25th, 2008 at 11:10 pm
[...] is a new post by moi up on the Femme’s Guide to Absolutely Everything about how Femme is What it Means to You. [...]
Emily
October 8th, 2008 at 4:49 pm
Wow….so you just described everything I’ve been thinking about. It was upsetting me so much that I didn’t “look like” a femme even though I felt like one on the inside. I always wanted to ID as femme but on the outside, I hardly even look like a girl, by choice. Well, I don’t try to dress like a guy deliberately, I dress in whatever I feel comfortable in. I guess I was just waiting for someone to tell me it was Ok to call myself whatever I wanted. Thanks. How enlightenng.
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