How to Have a Gorgeous Beach Body

As this is my inaugural post on the Femme’s Guide to Absolutely Everything, I thought I would go with my favorite category: “How-To”. Big love to Scarlet for setting this up, a clearinghouse resource like this is integral to community building. One of the things I love best about Femme sisterhood is sharing resources. My mom was a second-wave lesbian feminist. The trappings of Femme were things I cobbled together mostly through the graciousness of my Femme friends, performing as a drag king (no kidding) and the magic of you tube.

The first “How-To” guide I present to you is entitled “How to Have a Gorgeous Beach Body” graciously modeled by my BFF and Consigliere, Zoe Femmetastica.

You may be saying to yourself “Bevin, I am so glad beach weather is over. I can’t possibly go to the beach. I am too fat/pale/gender non-conforming/[insert your insecurity here].” I am here to tell you that you, too, can totally go to the beach without worry!

The first step to Having a Gorgeous Beach Body [TM] is to decide to go to the beach. Summer is over, technically, but here at FemmeCast headquarters (New York City) we refuse to give up the ghost until it is absolutely too cold to bear a day on the beach. Thus, Zoe’s birthday weekend of September 14 was never considered too late for a beach day.

The second step to Having a Gorgeous Beach Body [TM] is deciding which beach to go to*. Our favorite beach within driving distance is the Cherry Grove section of Fire Island. Historically gay, the beach is beautiful, water cool and clean and the beach is populated with a hugely diverse array of homos, a smattering of lesbians and virtually every body type one can imagine. It is both kid and dog friendly, while not being overpopulated by either.

We like homo beaches because we are homos** and enjoy hanging out with our people. Also, gay men usually ignore lesbians and disinterest based on your gender presentation makes being out in your bathing suit a little bit easier. I am also a huge fan of surrounding yourself with diverse body types in all situations, because nothing is more normalizes fat bodies in bathing suits than actually seeing fat bodies in bathing suits.

The third step to Having a Gorgeous Beach Body [TM] is to assemble a Posse of Homos. I find all situations far more fun surrounded by amazing people, fat queers and allies. We sent out an evite and cobbled together a group of twenty people ready to celebrate both Zoe’s birth and Have Gorgeous Beach Bodies [TM] with us. We carpooled and hopped the ferry to Cherry Grove.

Zoe is smiling so big because she loves the beach and loves being surrounded by people who love her.

The fourth step to Having a Gorgeous Beach Body [TM] is to concoct a durable and appropriate cover up outfit to get you to and from the beach with style.

H & M polka dot dress–$14.99, stretchy size 14. Black leggings from pretty much anywhere. Black and white croc (seriously) wedges, $40.00.

The fifth step to Having a Gorgeous Beach Body [TM] is to make sure you have the proper levels of sun protection. Zoe is high maintenace, therefore her sun rituals involve a gallon ziplock bag full of various SPFs for each part of her body, depending on the amount of tattooedness and contiguous sun exposure.

Mine is simple–bring a huge umbrella and/or hat and Baby Sunblock in the highest SPF possible–minimium 50. My Irish Heritage has insisted that I burn immediately upon contact with the sun. Owning that fact and working to prevent burns has gone a long way to encourage my comfort with the beach.

It also helps to have gentleman butches on hand to apply sunscreen on parts of your body that are unreachable–these butches should be appropriately grateful for the honor of application. Femme sisters/admirers/lovers are also good for this.

The sixth step to Having a Gorgeous Beach Body [TM] is to enjoy the hell out of your time at the beach! The real secret to Having a Gorgeous Beach Body [TM] is having a great time. The first few times you step out in public in a bathing suit are anxiety ridden, but baby step your way to comfort! If you have to keep your cover-up on to feel secure, do it, but challenge yourself. Take your cover-up off for a few minutes and feel how good it is to sit in the sun (or under an umbrella), splash in the surf and live in your body. Even if you have to dissociate for awhile and purposefully forget that you are not in street clothes, try it out. People truly respond to the you that you radiate to the world, not your body. If you are radiating positive energy and having a good time, that is what people will notice.

Take a look at Zoe here–there’s no way this isn’t a gorgeous beach body.

During our seven years of friendship, Zoe’s passion for the beach has definitely rubbed off on me. I know that I have a Gorgeous Beach Body, in part, because of her.
Happy Birthday, Zoe!

Also, I have purposefully ignored the selection of a bathing suit since clearly Zoe’s body isn’t gorgeous because of the suit she’s wearing (or isn’t wearing). And, also, Fat Girl Bathing Suit Selection is another series of blog posts I’ll get up here closer to next year’s beach season.

Do you have a Gorgeous Beach Body story to tell? Email me! FemmeCast at Gmail dot Com

xoxo,

Bevin

*I understand not everyone lives geographically close to a beach, but this guide easily translates to the public recreational swimming establishment near you, as well as for any vacation opportunities you choose to create for yourself.
**Socially I use the term homo to refer to pretty much anyone on the queer spectrum, including Zoe who is a bisexual.

Other posts by Bevin

• Femme Conference August 20-22 Call for Submissions!! - March 4th, 2010
• FemmeCast Video Podcast: Activist Stretches - December 9th, 2009
• Girl You Look Expensive: Taueret - August 15th, 2009
• Femme Lounge Wear - April 19th, 2009
• Queer Fat Femme Guest Post from Stacy Bias - April 7th, 2009

Technorati Tags: beach, diets, fat, femme, femme clothing, femmes, nyc, queer, real life, tattoos

Tags: beach, diets, fat, femme, femme clothing, femmes, nyc, queer, real life, tattoos