Comments on: I’m the only femme I know!

By: Freckles

Freckles — Wed, 08 Oct 2008 04:32:58 +0000

Hey Lady! Please do not feel alone. I uphold The Femme Fatale Flag of grace and beauty. And I do mean beauty of word, spirit and feminine integrity. I have an incredible butch partner who enhances and helps me develop my femme identity as I help him develops his. We are perfect for each other. The catch-22 of being a femme in this society is we are queer femmes having to integrate with straight women who are a different breed of femme. Should I venture to say that they do not even know that they are femme in the first place.They are still caught up in the antiquated gender war with men thinking that one day they will win the fight. What a ghastly waste of time. Now that I am out, I am enjoying being femme a million times more than when I identified as straight and, (ok I’m gonna admit) temporarily bisexual. My Beau brings out my femininity in a way I never thought possible and certainly never felt safe doing with a man. I am sure that there is an endless well of feminine spirit that I haven’t begun to tap into yet and as the days pass I look forward to being everything I envision. So please continue to reach out – WE ARE HERE!

By: Arwen

Arwen — Wed, 01 Oct 2008 14:50:15 +0000

I follow you on Twitter which is how I got here. Now that the weird stalker moment is past…

I actually moved to Austin to be in a more welcoming BF community. I have femme friends here who get it. Really get it. They understand that being femme isn’t only about loving butches. They sympathize with my horror at leaving the house in sweatpants (that’s a product of being from the South for me and a product of my age. lol. )

I have no clue about a local femme mafia. I’ll have to look for that. I didn’t make the Femme Conference this year because I was moving and couldn’t afford it. A bunch of my friends went though. A bunch.

I find a lot of my friends through bf.com which has been a mainstay for me as I have explored this femme identity of mine.

By: Veronica

Veronica — Thu, 25 Sep 2008 02:18:18 +0000

Yes Yes Yes! I know one other femme in this college town where I live, but we can’t be friends, I guess, because we dated the same butch. And the butch wasn’t all that! I spend a lot of time with my straight girlfriends who are very femme (although they would never use the label). They are powerful smart ladies, very stylish and independent, and we don’t have that some weird catty competition among us. It’s fun that we can flirt with each other. On a slow night (and there are many around here!), I can even get away with flirting with their boyfriends. I gotta stay in practice somehow!

By: tieyoutopme

tieyoutopme — Wed, 24 Sep 2008 03:20:30 +0000

Me too. At my last munch they didn’t even know what I was talking about when I said, “genderqueer.” So likely they also think “femme” equals “feminine.” My girlfriend is butch – although luckily she does understand the genderqueer thing, obviously. The rest of my friends are heteronormative/cisgender/totally unknowing of this entire concept.

It’s a lonely world out there for us femmes. Luckily we have each other online!

By: Maggie

Maggie — Tue, 23 Sep 2008 14:49:05 +0000

I have been thinking about this too….there are a lot of amazing femmes in my life, thanks to the show and the great femme community here in boston. but my girlfriend and some of my closest friends are butch, tomboyish, or genderqueer. Sometimes I feel like I spend a lot of time caring for their genders, you know?

By: Sublimefemme

Sublimefemme — Mon, 22 Sep 2008 22:24:17 +0000

I know exactly how you feel, Miss A. I’m in the same situation, and it *is* hard, no doubt about it. Do you feel supported by the people around you? Because I think that helps a lot, even if those individuals aren’t femmes themselves.

One thing I’ve been thinking a lot about is how there may be more femmes than I realize in my city but I just don’t know them or see them. Maybe they’re “low femme” or they drive trucks and I don’t realize they ID as femme. Maybe if you were to organize a Femme Mafia chapter, you’d be surprised who turns up. You know, if you build it, they will come…. What do you think?

By: Ms. Hinterland

Ms. Hinterland — Mon, 22 Sep 2008 13:54:45 +0000

Lady! I so hear you and heart you. I feel like an isolated femme as well. There is a femme mafia chapter in the nearest large city, but even that is a bit far for me to regularly participate. But, maybe there is one closer to you! For community, at the moment, I find the place I see the largest community is the internets. Sigh. Here’s a big friendly gender-conscious femme hug from me to you.

By: sarcozona

sarcozona — Mon, 22 Sep 2008 13:16:00 +0000

Where I live, the word “femme” is almost never used, and if it is used at all, it’s used as an adjective. I’m the only person I’ve ever met in real life (that I know of) that identifies as a femme. Most of the queer women I know are very uncomfortable with any sort of label. It didn’t used to bother me, but there are conversations I’d like to have and community I’d like to be a part of. I’ve always wished there was a Femme Mafia contingent somewhere nearby!

By: BarbRyan

BarbRyan — Mon, 22 Sep 2008 13:09:16 +0000

I’ve found most of my femme friends through blogs. I use google search to find people with similar interests as well. You can also find a lot of cool websites.

I find that finding local femmes my age (29) has been hard. And if I have found them, they tend to be competitive.