Thats why I think you’re really better that other people, because you’re more open to understand the others.

I don’t see myself as poly – I’m not actually having sex with my girl, but if I did, it isn’t a label that I think really applies to me – but I’ve dealt with the ‘if you want both a man and a woman, you must be an evil freak who wants a threesome’ thing. I don’t. He doesn’t. Neither does she – she’s a lesbian who’s in an asexual relationship with a man (it’s complicated). Her husband knows I exist, but he’s not involved with any of this. My boyfriend hasn’t even met her yet, and at any rate he respects her dykitude. I just think of us as having some Weimar Berlin kinda thing going on. How we’re going to explain it to other people, I don’t really know.

What I wish for is to someday have a female friend who is my occasional and casual lover, while also having my boyfriend/sir, who is also my primary lover, and having those be two totally different relationships. I love and adore women, and I know that while being with a man give me access to heterosexual privilege, I’m very capable of loving a woman fully. I just don’t want to be put in a position where I’m being forced to choose between two people when I already love my boyfriend very much (because he came first, not because he has a dick). Or, even better, to meet a woman who is as funny smart, and entertaining as he is, and to happily let them share me- I think they could work it out somehow.

I DO understand the resentment that is often made clear to me. Often my former gf, my husband, and I would all go out to the local gay bar togeather and it was always pretty clear I was with both of them. What others DON’T understand is that it is NOT just a walk in the park being bisexual and/or poly as well.

I find myself attracted to people regardless of gender, not because of it. Its incredibly hard for me to let a woman know that I am attracted to her, because I know right up front that me being bi could be “a problem.”

I don’t really feel that bisexuals are more evolved. I do feel that it takes a strong person to admit their bisexuality and be at ease with it.

I hope that one day people will be able to accept each other, and accept that a persons sexuality and attractions do not denote anything good or bad, but that sexuality and attraction just “is.”

I just want to say that I really enjoyed reading your post, and to put in a little plug for the show that I’m doing right now in San Francisco at the Center for Sex and Culture. It’s called FLUID, and it’s a one-woman show which I wrote and perform, which gets into a lot of the issues and topics that you raise in your piece.

If you or any of your readers are in the area this week or next, I’d love it if you could come and let me know what you think! Mostly I’m just doing this play because I love conversations like the one happening here on your blog! If anyone is not in SF at this time, but interested in the show feel free to contact me via my company’s website.

You can get all the info at http://www.packofothers.org/fluid

Thanks for doing what you’re doing!

Warmly,
Erika Kate

Is it any wonder because of my bluntness that I tend to enrage both sides of the fence though? No one wants to really acknowledge that bisexuality is “real” and when they are face with someone like me who is obviously so (girl) it brings out their meaner side.

I love to go to lesbian functions…concerts, festivals, tea parties (lol) but have learned that when I am there, swimming with the sharks as it is) that I need to keep my mouth tightly closed because there really is nothing worse than a room full of loving, happy, smiling womyn to suddenly turn cold and uncomfortable, knowing the reason is me…

So Colleen thank you for the support!

And Sheela…honest…I knew that…my brain must have gone dead, because I reread the post wondering where I spelled it wrong and sure enough…I think it was every time…y’gads!
But providing the link was very nice!! Thank you

By the way, since you are such a fantastic educator, I think you should know that bisexual is spelled without a hyphen. There is a cute piece by Tom Limoncelli about that http://whatexit.org/tal/mywritings/how-to-spell-bisexual.html

It is a wonder, in this day, that there is bias in all types of sexuality. Thanks for sharing.