this is so right-on. what protects me as a femme is not strong hands around me (which feels nice, of course), but someone emotionally strong. i can provide that, too, maybe even better than most butches i’ve been with. so yes, butches are not inherently stronger due to their masculinity/physical strength!

Thanks for this really interesting post, Miss A! The last sentence is especially well-put.

The question here really is: what does “strength” mean? There are multiple ways of caretaking, but the traditionally feminine ones like nurturing are not typically seen as a sign of strength, whereas the traditionally masculine ones like material/financial support are.

In my view, butch/femme couples–who’ve already broken with convention in their choice of a partner–often make room for more flexibility around caretaking in their relationships then is characteristic of heteronormativity. Although this is probably more true today than historically, even in the 50s and 60s femmes were sometimes breadwinners because of the difficulty butches experienced finding work.

If butch and femme are radical genders, as I would argue they are, then it’s at least in part because of this flexibility–combined withthe reciprocity that you point to at the end of your post.

xo
Sf

I think it’s a symbiotic protection that happens, really. Reading Stone Butch Blues, there’s never been a doubt in my mind about how Theresa and the other Femmes protected their Butches. The protection may look different, but it’s still very much there. Someone fucks with my Butch in public had better fucking watch out because I will go after those motherfuckers with my stilettos!