The Great Panty Fling Boogie

It’s true. As much as we love our panties. Sometimes we have to prune our collection of panties so that we can only showcase our very best asset in its very best clothes. That is, if we must cover it at all!

Last week… no, make that for the past two months… I’ve been on a cleaning, de-cluttering, organizing rampage. You wouldn’t know it from the looks of my house, but I work slow, okay. Just because I work slow doesn’t mean I’m not getting anything done! I went through my panties for the first time in over a year to take out the ones that are no good. So, here are some rules for thinning the crops!

1. Follow FlyLady’s number one rule: If you don’t love it, need it, or use it – let it go! Whether that means you send it to the donation truck, the garbage truck, or give it your best friend who stopped in for a cup of tea, just do it!

2. If it has any holes in it that are not supposed to be there, put it in the trash! No holey underwear is sexy! I can understand if it’s your favorite period underwear and they’re so comfy and you can’t bear to get rid of them, but you have to really love them to not get rid of holey panties.

3. If they are tighty whiteys, they were not meant for your fancy ass in the first place. Unless you plan to tie-dye them into fabulosity, these have got to go! There are lots of affordable alternatives to these saggy bottom, tight elastic, weak seam excuses for panties.

4. If your panties came in a 3, 5, or 7 pack from Big Mart more than six months ago, give them a big fat kiss goodbye. These aren’t good quality panties anyway and you’ve probably worn them too thin to do much good!

5. Stained panties. This is going to be controversial. Regardless of whether it was a drink you spilled in your lap, or some other unfortunate spillage, if there are stains on your panties, this will never do. Trust me, I know it’s hard  to keep this kind of thing from happening, and it’s even harder to clean them afterward! Anything with a stain that won’t come out goes in the pile.

6. If you can see through your panties in places where you couldn’t see through them before, this is considered “normal wear and tear” for tighty whiteys and multi-pack underwear. Soon, these sheer spots will become gaping holes. Lose them before they lose you!

7. Sometimes only you can know if you have had your underwear for too long. So think back to when you bought them. Have they been in your collection for a year? Three years? Five? Even you feel they have held up well enough, if they are getting old, if the colors are fading, if they’ve been discolored from other garments in the wash, etc, release them from the drawer. One bad apple spoils the whole bag!

8. Fit. It’s reasonable to suggest that underwear may stretch and grow with the wearer during changes in body shape or size. If any pair of underwear is too big or too small, it’s no use pulling it up all the time, or picking it out of your butt or other embarrassing places! Bless someone else with panties that are otherwise nice enough, instead of worrying about your ass cleavage showing all day. (And while you’re at it, love yourself at whatever size you are!)

9. A word about elastic. While underwear generally have elastic waists these days, (after all, they did away with drawstring undergarments a century or two ago…) it is important to ensure that all of the elastic waistlines (or leg openings, if applicable) are securely attached to the fabric, and have kept their original coloring. Additionally, please tug on the elastic a little bit to see if it crackles – that’s a big sign that your panty has kicked the bucket.

10. Last but not least, if your ex bought these underwear for you, put them on the midnight train to Georgia! Don’t come back now, y’hear?

I hope I have inspired you to only have fabulous underwear! It always makes me happy to get rid of the things that are weighing me down.

Other posts by missavarice

• Femme Community: Scattered - July 21st, 2010
• Femme in the Kitchen #1 - July 7th, 2010
• I Was Femme All Along - June 21st, 2010
• One of those lesbians - February 3rd, 2010
• Corn, southern style - September 20th, 2009

Tags: body, clothes, femmes, panties, size