LipstickGirlyGirl

Oh man, I hardly know where to even begin on this one, because your questions touch on so many hot topics within the girls-who-like-girls community (whatever their specific labels may be). The first ones I saw were the issues of femme invisibility—expounded upon by Sinclair of the Sugarbutch Chronicles, Essin’Em, and writers right here on Femmes Guide—of the “lesbian sheep dance” aptly named by Nadia the Kinky Librarian and an issue very close to my own heart: that of tracking down those rare femmes who go for other femmes.

Sadly enough, it’s true. Femmes who like other femmes (whether it be exclusively or in addition to liking butches and/or those who fall somewhere in between) are not anywhere near as numerous as the femmes who like their women a little more masculine. Obviously I’m one of them, and I’m willing to bet that more than one of my fellow FG writers is also at least partly a femme’s femme, but out there in the world of gay bars and queer neighborhoods, they’re not exactly as concentrated as they are here. So chances are, you’re not doing anything wrong. There’s no one method of attracting another femme to you, so long as you’re making your interest clearly known (which goes back to the aforementioned “lesbian sheep dance,” a hilariously named but frustrating phenomenon to be avoided at all costs). Chances are, you just haven’t come across a femme’s femme yet.

Now, as far as approaching said femme, once you have her in your sights. In my experience, my flirting tactic doesn’t change much between butches and femmes. I could tell you that sometimes I have to be a little more aggressive with other femmes since they’re used to being actively courted and wooed by those bold butches, but how stereotypical would that be? I have had to be aggressive with shy butches too, so being bashful is definitely not solely a femme phenomenon. Just go with your instincts, which are probably a lot more spot-on than you realize, and tone your approach up or down in strength as you feel is necessary. Your main goal is get your message of interest across, and then the ball is in her court to either respond favorably or not, depending on if she is into other femmes.
As to your question of where to go to meet other femmes: well, where do you go? Or perhaps the better question is, where would you go to meet new people of the queer variety? It may happen in a gay bar or it may happen at the grocery store, or at a concert, or a flower nursery, or… the options are really endless! The real trick isn’t in going somewhere special; the trick is to always keep your eyes open and to never give up the search. Being a femme who likes femmes, you have certainly got a more difficult path ahead of you as far as finding a partner (either short- or long-term), but it’s not impossible. Sure, femmes don’t stand out as much as a butch usually does, but you said it yourself: you can usually tell. There’s just a certain energy about a femme that makes her stand out from the rest. And someday, probably when you least expect it, one of those femmes will see that same energy in you.

Now! Fellow FG writers and dearest FG readers, what have you to say to LipstickGirlyGirl? Please, chime in with your comments to assist a femme in need! We’ve all been there in one fashion or another; sometimes a few words of advice or support can make all the difference.

Like many people, I have had an ambivalent relationship with food for most of my life. My mother is diabetic and a couple of years ago my pancreas finally pooped out on me and I developed type 2 diabetes as well. That *should* have been the beginning of a revolution in my health (really, it should have happened when I found out that I was pre-diabetic many years ago) but I did not really focus on my wellness until this year. First, in March I began getting treatment for depression and mental illness, about which I had been in denial for at least a year. At the same time, I also began tracking my blood glucose levels with more diligence and paying attention to the kind of food I was eating. More recently, I’ve begun working out with a friend once or twice a week, and using sparkpeople.com to track my food intake, blood sugar and exercise. Finally, things are starting to come together!

Today I’m going to share with you my shiny new breakfast routine! It includes oats and a morning smoothie that is full of nutrients and (I think) tastes amazingly delicious! One thing I’ve learned since tracking my food intake is that I actually do no eat enough to keep my body strong and healthy. How weird is that? Usually when I do get enough calories, they’re the wrong kind. In order to resolve this problem, I gave breakfast a big makeover. Prior to this makeover, breakfast included nothing, a granola bar, or a bowl of cheerios. That kind of breakfast can really put someone off to a bad start! Now, I have a very small bowl of quick oats and at least two big servings of fruits and veggies!

Oats for Wellness
Ingredients:
1/4 to 1/2 cup of dry quick oats
boiling water
1/4t to 1t unsweetened cocoa powder
1-2 T raisins or other dried fruit
spices to taste (I use ginger, nutmeg, cinnamon and clove)
1-2 T peanut butter or other nut butter

Directions: Boil water in a pot or tea kettle. Scoop your oats into a heat-safe bowl and add the spices, cocoa and fruit. Add the boiling water just a little bit at a time until you have achieved the consistency you like. (Note: the directions on my quick oats say to add oats to water and cook for 1 minute. This makes my oats way too mushy. Cook the oats by your preferred method.) I add the peanut butter at the end, but when I’m not paying attention, I put it in before the water. Either way is fine. Serve hot.

This is so easy, especially when I wake up with a “fasting” blood sugar level! I know the cocoa sounds weird, but it actually provides some extra protein and nutrients. Same goes for the fruit. Peanut butter has lots of calories but they mostly come from good fats that your bodies needs to stay in tip top shape.

Whirled Berries
Ingredients:
1 banana, any size
3-5 blackberries (the seeds don’t grind up and they’re hard to chew. I use 3)
5-6 strawberries with leaves removed
1/4 c blueberries
1/4 c raspberries
Big handful of baby spinach leaves (trust me!)
1 Serving of protein powder (I use 2 T Bob’s Red Mill Hemp Protein Powder)
1 t chia seeds (optional, I get them in bulk from the health food store)
No-sugar-added fruit juice, milk, or milk substitute to taste

Directions: No complicated instructions here! Add all ingredients to your blender and blend until smooth, adding some milk or juice to taste if needed, or if your blender is having a hard time blending frozen fruit. I use my bullet mini blender because it’s way less to wash afterward!

This is the way I make my breakfast, but it is just one example of a nutrient-packed meal to give you a good foundation for your busy day. Switch up the ingredients! Try different kinds of fruits, or combine them in a different way. Add a low-calorie sweetener like Nu-Stevia, if you like, but I think the fruit alone gives it a great flavor. You can’t taste the spinach, I promise!

Be well or pursue wellness, my lovelies!

Technorati Tags: blood glucose levels, exercise, fat, food, Oats, queer fat femmes, recipe, relationships, smoothie, spinach, strawberries, thoughts, type 2 diabetes

This is your reminder to breathe. It’s hard for me to not have my awareness shift to my breath when someone tells me to breathe, I’m even doing so unconsciously while I’m writing this, so I hope that is the case for you too. Take in a few nice deep breaths as you continue to read this.

My point is not just about breath but also a reminder to take time for yourself, make sure your needs are being met, and tune in with your body. Taking a moment or many moments to check in with where you are, what you are doing, and where you are going.

Perhaps reading this blog is you taking time for yourself, reading the writings of other femmes in hope of finding out more about others and yourself, if so, fabulous, you’re already doing what I’m trying to remind you of. For others it might be taking a bubble bath, reading a book, spending time with a lover (or more), or any sort of calming activity (though the last I mentioned may not be calming in the same sense).

I find that, while I love to be busy and to have a million and one projects going, have all of my time micromanaged to the point of near exhaustion, I also love being able to take time for myself, decompress, and remember why I’m doing all that stuff in the first place.

Like I said, you may be doing this already, but just in case you’re not this is your reminder.

-Scarlet Lotus

Technorati Tags: breathe, busy, one step at a time, reminder, take time for yourself

so the potentially unthinkable has occurred….. my parter and i are…. wait for it…… going camping. it’s in July so I have lots of time to prepare (which is where all of you come in )

now to clarify it’s camping designed for new yorkers—— they supply all the equipment (except for sleeping bags), they meet us at the metro north take our bags and then we can hike into camp w/o being loaded down (does this mean i get to bring more shoes???? ) but still it’s camping.  now i should clarify that while i grew up in rural-ish Oregon i never went camping as a kid—the closest i came was sleeping in a tent at dog shows in high school, and then one night spent in a tent at the beach with this girl i dated for all of three weeks when i was barely 18.  Needless to say I have very little to no camping experience—– Kestryl on the other hand grew up camping for weeks every summer, and promises that I will have loads of fun and is thrilled that ze gets to have a new pocket knife.

We’re going to celebrate Kestryl’s birthday and our 6th anniversary and I think it will be just the sort of relaxing break (in a summer that is quickly filling up with touring for Kicked Out) that I need.  I’ve already been told I’m not permitted to bring my cellphone, laptop, or ipod — i tried to argue that music would be fun, but Kestryl knew that was a ploy to use it to search for wifi (internet addicted femme that I am).  I’m planning to spend a lot of time just chilling with Kestryl, writing, reading, napping etc.

Anyway I know that there are many femmes much more rugged than I will ever be so I thought I’d ask some advice from y’all— things I should know?  Femme camping essentials I shouldn’t forget to bring??????????

p.s. don’t worry I’ve already been schooled that sensible shoes are a must so I’ll be breaking out the sexy sneakers

(For some reason it’s not letting me embed the video–so here is the link to youtube!)

I have more to come, one on a fun game called Intervention (not like the tv show), another from FemmeCamp in Austin, TX and another one from the Fat Studies Reader release event in Brooklyn.

Stay tuned for more at The Queer Fat Femme Blog Guide to Life.

Technorati Tags: art, Bevin, books, fat, femme, femmecast, Holiday, queer, video post

Now folks, I realize that femmes aren’t the only people who cook. For me, however, cooking is one of my life’s most basic joys. If I can’t cook, and I can’t eat, then what the hell am I living for?

Apologies aside, I have to share with you a food that I have been eating for family holidays my entire life, and that has please my girlfriend’s tummy on many glorious occasions. It first made it for Dana about a year ago and her joyous moans signaled to me that I should make it a recurring theme in our meal planning, not just for the holidays. The ingredients are so simple and there is only one instruction: to mix. It’s vegetarian but also pretty high in fat… oh well! Northerners beware, I have a sneaking suspicion that this is Southern food. Without further adieu. I give you this family tradition. You’ll never look at a can of creamed corn the same, I swear!

Corn Pudding
1 box Jiffy Corn Muffin mix
1 (8 oz) container of Sour Cream
1 can Creamed Corn
1 can Kernel Corn, drained
1 cup of grated cheddar cheese (slightly more or less if you like…)
3 eggs

Bake at 350F for about 45 minutes. (Good cooks will set a timer check it at about 35 mins to see how close to done it is.)

The order makes no difference. But if you want instructions, you got it.

1. Preheat oven to 350F
2. Grease a large casserole dish (I usually skip the grease, you can experiment with the size of the dish, too…. I think mine’s about 11″ square?)
3. Whisk eggs just a few strokes just until beaten in a large-ish bowl, then add the corn muffin mix.
4. Add the creamed corn, drain the kernel corn and add that too.
5. Finally add the sour cream and then mix in the cheese. (For all this mixing, I just use a spatula. You can also use a fork. No stand mixer needed!)
6. Pour into the baking dish and bake in the oven until you stick a knife in it and it comes out clean and the top is a very light golden brown. Do not overcook.

This tasty treat goes great with poultry (or substitute thereof) and a green vegetable. Go back for as many seconds as you want. Don’t be intimidated by the large dish – it’s so freaking YUMMY! I can’t even show you a picture of the one we had the other day because there’s only one serving left. Also, don’t be scared by the name “pudding” – it is more like a bread pudding or a soufflé. Only tangentially related to corn casserole, as I understand it. I’ve never had corn casserole.

Feel free to share your thoughts, recipes, or memories of foods you love!

Technorati Tags: family, food

Brown and Turqoise Polka Dots

The best part about crafting is the parties! Tomorrow night we are having drunk knitting night after our regularly schedule tea-and-knitting-circle. Everyone’s going to knit a drunk square – imagine what it will look like when we sew it all together!

Technorati Tags: Craft, how-to, needle crafts

Ingredients:

4T unsalted butter (or vegan margarine)

1/2 c all purpose flour, sifted

1/4 c buttermilk (I used 1/8c soymilk, 1/8c pineapple juice)

yolk of one large egg (or equivalent in egg substitute)

2 t grated orange (lemon) zest

1/2 c sugar (i used 1/3 c)

1/8 tsp baking soda

1/4 t salt

1/4 t ground cinnamon

1/4 t ground nutmeg

1/8 t ground cardamom (YUCK! I used ground cloves)

1/8 t ground ginger

You will need a baking sheet and two single serve baking pans such as these square pans or this heart spring-form pan.

Preheat oven to 325F. Lightly grease and flour the insides of your baking pans and tap off excess flour. Place on a baking sheet and set aside. Combine the milk (and pineapple juice), egg yolk and orange (lemon) zest in a small bowl and wisk to mix. Place the flour, sugar, baking soda, salt, cinnamon, nutmeg, cardamom  (clove) and ginger in a medium size mixing bowl and wisk to blend well (I just sifted all of these ingredients together). Add the butter and the milk-egg mixture. Beat with a hand-held mixer (i’m sure any mixing method is fine) on low speed until the dry ingredients are moistened. Increase the speed to medium and beat for 45 seconds. Scrape down the sides of the bowl (very important because you are making a smaller batch so it could throw off the math if you don’t scrape thoroughly with a silicone spatula – I got those from our $1 store too!) Spoon the batter into the prepared pans, dividing it evenly between them. Bake the cakes until a toothipick inserted comes out clean, 30-35 minutes. Cool in a wire rack for 15 minutes, then run a thin, sharp knife around the edge of each pan and invert them to release the cakes and allow them to cool completely.

Problems: My cakes came out really crumbly – the top half was cooked perfectly and the bottom half fell apart. I have several guesses as to why. 1. Perhaps my substitutions caused the mixture to be unstable. 2. Perhaps my oven is the wrong temperature (have had that problem with other ovens before!). 3. I forgot to flour the pans, I only greased them. 4. did not allow them to cool completely because Dana was coming home and I wanted to feed her a lovely cake! Phew. I should really start following directions, don’t you think?

Frosting:

4 oz cold cream cheese (or vegan cream cheese)

2 t unsalted butter at room temp (or room temp vegan margarine)

3/4 c confectioner’s sugar (I used 1/2 c + 2 T)

1 t grated orange (lemon) zest (or just toss in the rest of what you grated)

1/2 t pure vanilla extract

1 T thawed frozen orange juice concentrate

(rather than the orange juice, I put in about 1T fresh squeeze lemon juice and 1T pineapple juice)

Place the cream cheese and butter in a medium mixing bowl and beat with a hand-held mixer on medium until blended. Add sugar, zest, vanilla and beat to mix. Add juice and beat until fluffy. Use right away or chill (then let stand 1 hr before using).

The lemon pineapple frosting is by far the best frosting I have ever made in my entire life! The book recommends cutting the cakes in half through the middle and putting a layer of frosting between the cake layers. Top with nuts, more lemon zest, sprinkles or whatever! Baking is all about having fun and improvising. All great food is made when someone says, “I wonder if this and that would go nicely together?”

I’m still trying to perfect my small-batch homemade mac and cheese – I’ll let you know when it shows up!

Technorati Tags: baking, comfort foods, culinary comfort, food, foods

Ingredients:

2 T Cooking Oil (I used EVOO)

1 clove garlic, minced

1/4 cup chopped bell peppers (any color)

1/4 cup chopped green onions

2 1/2 cups cut carrots

4 small cut potatoes

1 large can 100% Pure Pumpkin

2-15.5 oz cans Garbanzo Beans (Chickpeas)

Handful of pine nuts, pan toasted

1 Can of Coconut Milk

Combine olive oil, garlic, peppers. pine nuts and green onions and brown them in the bottom of a large pot to bring out the flavors. Add the carrots and then quickly dump 1-2 quarts of water into the pot and bring to a boil. Cook the carrots until they are soft enough to blend. Scoop into the blender with a slotted spoon and add some of the carrot broth to the blender. Let them cool for a few minutes and then pulse the blender until the puree is complete. Return the puree to the pot and add the potatoes, can of pumpkin, the garbanzos and the coconut milk, stirring after each one.  Cook on medium heat until the potatoes are cooked.

This soup has no animal products, and therefore is completely vegan and super delicious! I know this is two recipes in a row, but culinary fabulosity is something I consider to be integral to my own femme identity. Once again, this can also be separated into individual portions and refrigerated or frozen for meals to take to work with you.

Technorati Tags: comfort foods, cooking, femme, foods, recipe

took the classic cocido madrileno, a boiled Spanish equivalent of French pot-au-feu. Cocido was traditionally served in two steps, first the broth, then the main course of meats, garbanzo, and potatoes. He came up with the idea that all should be served together. That’s what became Spanish Bean Soup. It’s from Tampa. You cannot order Spanish Bean Soup in Spain. They don’t know what it is. Today Spanish Bean Soup is a favorite dish found in all six Columbia Restaurants located in Florida. This was created circa 1910.

As you can see from that link, their recipe is somewhat more complicated than ours, but I think they taste about the same! One ingredient to this recipe that you will likely have to forgo if you do not live in sunny, happy south-central Florida will be the Cuban bread. Ohhh Cuban bread. When Grandma first took me to North Carolina as a 12 year old, I wanted to pick up some Cuban bread while were at the grocery store. “Honey, they don’t have Cuban bread here” she said. I was shocked and appalled. My mother and grandmother beg me to bring C bread every time I visit them in North Carolina. It’s just that good. Day old french bread will do, but there’s nothing like the crunchy on the outside, soft and light on the inside goodness of Cuban bread. Without further adieu, Mom’s recipe!

Spanish Bean Soup
2 cans Garbanzos/Chickpeas
1 lg onion cut into one-inch pieces
Potatoes, cut in one-inch pieces (1 large Russet, 3 mediums or 5-6 new)
1 Package chorizo sausage, sliced (includes 2, or Soyrizo for the non-meat eaters)
1 Vigo Yellow Rice Seasoning (a tiny envelope with saffron, paprika, etc)
1 ham slice cut in one-inch pieces (can be omitted or replaced with a meat substitute)
Cuban bread and butter
salt and pepper to taste

Method of Preparation: The fast way!
Use a large pot with lid. Combine all ingredients with a generous covering of water and cook on medium until heated and potatoes are done. Mom says at least one hour, I say cook it on almost-high with PLENTY of water so stuff won’t stick to bottom. Don’t add too much water or your soup will be all broth.

Method of Preparation: The slow way!
Place all ingredients in a crock pot with water and cook on low for 4-5 hours keeping the liquid at a good soupy level.

Method of Preparation: The extra really slow, but good way!
Use dry garbanzos/chickpeas and soak them in the refrigerator overnight. Drain, then cook in the crock pot all day. She specifies all day otherwise they could be crunchy. Add the potatoes during the last 1-2 hours of cooking so they don’t get mushy! Add water if it starts looking like stew instead of soup.

Serve with Cuban bread or toast and butter! Like I said, I made this in a pot on the stove with canned beans in less than one hour – it’s a great meal when you’re hungry but don’t want to eat something overly starchy that came out of a mystery box. Really. And this can totally be frozen in individual portions to take to work for a filling, energizing lunch.

Bon apetit!

Technorati Tags: comfort foods, cooking, food, recipe