If you were to visit me, you would notice a preponderance of candles in my house. On the dining room tables, the kitchen counter, the top of the fridge, in my bedroom, on the bookshelves (ok, not a wise sounding idea, but those are ones that aren’t going to get lit for a while). It’s one of my most stereotypical Femme/feminine traits; I LOVE candles. Especially good smelling ones.

Well, luckily, Babeland was kind enough to give me an Afterglow Candle (by Jimmy Jane) to review.

In the little box that arrived, I got the candle (which is a really good sized candle), a GIANT box of matches (score!) and a little brush. When you light the candle, and it melts, it turns into massage oil, which feels phenomenal when poured warm onto the skin.

Brush wise, I have to say I didn’t get it. I’m not sure why you’re supposed to use a brush to put oil/wax onto the skin. It just didn’t work for me. However, it is my cat’s (Kinsey) absolute new favorite toy - even more loved then his decimated peacock feather. So it certainly has it’s uses.

I got the Figleaf scent…and it was AMAZING. I lit it, and immediately, a soft but delicious smell started to fill the room. It was a little flowery, but not too much so…and it wasn’t super strong, which can ruin a moment. No no - it was ideal. And mmmm.

We let the candle burn as we played, and then she poured some of the wax/oil onto my back. As she rubbed it in, the tension left me completely. It started, after 10-15 minutes to absorb into my skin, leaving my skin soft and smelling delightful. A small amount was dropped on my nightstand, but it later hardened back into wax, and was easy to get off with a finger nail.

I love this candle. So far, it’s my favorite massage oil candle, and it’s also a great into for people who want to try wax play, but don’t want to start with “real” wax. It has a very low burning temp, making it great for anyone! Five stars, out of five!

For your very own warm, loving and caring (hey, I can anthropomorphize a candle, right?) Afterglow Candle, just click here!

-Essin’ Em

The Hitachi Magic Wand is the only vibrator you’ll ever need again.

I mean, that’s really the entire review of it. It is one of the top selling items at Babeland, but elsewhere as well. Pretty much every sex toy retailer sells more Hitachis than anything else. Why? Because they are freaking amazing.

Someone once asked me how I’d describe the Hitachi. If a normal orgasm is like a rainstorm, the Hitachi is a like a tsunami. If a normal orgasm is like a Hershey’s kiss, a Hitachi is like Godiva. If a normal orgasm is like a shot of McCormicks, the Hitachi is Grey Goose. Get it yet?

It plugs into the wall. That’s right; no batteries, no waiting for it to recharge. Super green and environmentally friendly. Plus, the Hitachi has been around for decades upon decades. As they say, if it ain’t broke, then don’t fix it. The Hitachi is amazing. It’s wonderful. It’s perfect.

I give them as presents to people. I recommend them to people. I take people to get their first vibrator, and help them get Hitachis. They are the best toys you’ll ever own.

You can also use them as back massagers…I know it sounds kind of odd, but I mean, that IS what they were designed for. I have definitely used them to get the kinks out, and in this case, kink is not a synonym for orgasm.

There are also all kinds of attachments you can use (silicone, of course), for vaginal penetration, for anal penetration, for additional clitoral stimulation.

Basically, this is the most wonderful and amazing sex toy you can and will ever buy. I am not kidding. I am not guilty of hyperbole. You can use it alone, during intercourse, on a partner, with a partner. Use it for sex, use it for back massages.

Get a Hitachi Magic Wand. I cannot recommend it any higher. If I had to get rid of every single sex toy I own (and I own more than 150), and only keep one, I’d keep the Hitachi.

-Essin’ Em

Thanks to the folks at Babeland, I have another fun Adult Game to review for you. This one caught my eye immediately, primarily because it involved chocolate…and I, my friends, am a chocoholic! That’s right, F and I got to review Strip Chocolate.

I’d been waiting on this one for a while. When it first came in the mail, I had visions of a large group of sexy, intelligent, witty women playing it (a girl can dream, right), especially since a lot of my friends, and a few derby girls expressed interest in it. However, week after week, people were busy/unavailable/my place was a mess/some combo of the aforementioned. So one night, F came over, and poor things that we are, we had to test it out by ourselves.

Good thing it was only us - there are two “sorry-esque” game pieces (red and black, perfectly enough!), so it seems to be really only meant for two people. I chose black, handing her the red pieces, and I read the instructions outloud. The hard part was keep our clothes on long enough to play the game. By the time we got to the bedroom, placed everything where it needed to go, and popped in an AbbyWinters.com dvd, I was suddenly wearing nothing but my underwear, and had to find a negligee and a coat in order to have three items of clothing (playing with less would have been silly).

Rolling the die = fine. The strip squares = fine (although too many of them too quickly). However, the painting on the chocolate was an exercise in love/hate relationships. I loved painting F with the different designs, and when she was painting me, it was all I could do to keep from jumping her. However, you’re not supposed to lick it off right away - you have to wait till you come to a dare square. Well, let me tell you, chocolate body paint, if not licked off immediately, becomes incredibly sticky - sticking to other skin, hair, clothing, my leopard print bedsheets, etc. Finally, I said fuck it, and we got the chocolate off each other.

The game ended very quickly, even with the “extended play rules” - and it was hard to do the “favors” with all the sticky chocolate on our bodies. Eventually, we just gave up, and placed the board on the floor to have fabulous sex.

All in all, it’s a fun concept..I’d given the game itself 3 out of 5 stars. I think I’m going to need to come up with a different rule set to make it work better for me….but the chocolate is brilliant (and tasty), and the idea quite cute. I’d play it again!

-Essin’ Em

Here is another fancy schmancy and lovely toy furnished to me by the amazing Babeland. This fabulous dildo (I have the midnight purple colored one) is known as the Buzz 1, and I have to say, it was pretty nice.

I tried it out with F, who was actually quite excited to give this one a go. We haven’t had her strapped on and fucking me with a dildo with a vibe in its base yet, so it was something new and different, and something we definitely wanted to try.

It is 100% silicone (which means that when you pop the bullet out, you can dishwash it top shelf no soap, boil it, or wipe it down with a 10% bleach solution). If you need help on getting the bullet in or out, please check out my ridiculously hilarious, year old, and poor quality video on doing it (this was out first vblog, my apologies). The bullet was easy - it comes with batteries - you just have to unscrew it and pull the little plastic tab out, and then put it back together before putting it into the dildo.

We placed it into the harness, and I strapped F into it. Have I mentioned how hot she looks in a dildo? If I haven’t, she looks incredibly fucking hot. Just FYI. Once strapped on and adjusted, we covered the dildo and my cunt with water based lube. Water based is very important because silicone can do horrible things to your silicone toy.

Slowly, she slid it into me. I had thought it might be a little too small, and when she was first in me, I thought I was right. However, once she started thrusting into me, the head of Buzz 1 was rubbing my G-spot in all the right ways (and felt especially amazing in the “doggy style” position - it really is quite well designed). And because it was not as big, she could fuck me harder and faster with it than I’ve been able to do with some other toys, like the Raquel (which I love, but is a little long for hard fucking).

After she fucked me for a while, I decided to give her a blow job as she lay on her back. The blow job part was fabulous - the dildo was the perfect size. However, the problem we’d been having as she fucked me remained. The damn vibe had a mind of its own. It kept turning on and off. When it was on, it felt great inside me, but because of the button on the base, it turned on and off as she fucked me. Ditto with me giving her a hand job and going down on her - when I was pressing it against her, it was on, and she was bucking into me. Then on the outstroke, it would shut off. Which I found really frustrating…she seemed to find it amusing (but if she hadn’t been able to come because of it, I bet it wouldn’t have been so funny).

Her complaint was that while she liked the stiffness of the silicone for controlling it (she thought the Raquel was too soft at times), she said that the next day, her mons and lips were a little sore from the base pressing into her so hard as she fucked me. I told her that was a hazard of fucking me so hard (oh, tear), but she may have a point. On the receiving end, I like the feel of both types of silicone, so I am a happy camper either way.

While the bullet vibe was annoying and frustrating, it was also pretty awesome when it worked. I like the color, the shape, the harness compatibility, etc. So I’d give this baby 4 stars out of 5….great first timers dildo, and fun to use on your own, or with a partner…by hand, or in a harness.

To get your very own Buzz 1 to play with, by yourself or with someone, click here.

-Essin’ Em

I am a big Hitachi fan. That’s an understatement. I may be the Hitachi’s biggest fan. Ever.

But a little bird kept telling me how amazing the Wahl Vibrator was. Over and over again.

So I wanted to get one, and luckily enough for me, Babeland was happy enough to oblige my whim. I waited and waited. And then, of course as soon as it came, I was sick. And then, once I was feeling better, I had my first ever yeast infection (probably from the antibiotics I was on for being sick). So I waited some more.

And then? The day of reckoning. Keeping in mind that I’ve been loving on the Hitachi for a good 3 or 4 years at this point, and you can imagine what this looked like in my mind. A shoot out in the SM Corral between the Wahl and the Hitachi. Hitachi had the bettin’ odds, but I was willing to give the under dog Wahl a chance.

I plugged ‘er on in, and lay back in bed. I started first with the attachment it already had (there are 7 in all), which is the one displayed on the box. And logically, I started at level 1 (out of 2).

Not bad. A little tickly, but it did feel nice. However, no way in hell it was giving my magic wand a run for my money. I tried it on my back, breasts, hip bones, etc. Overall? It was an excellent massager…but even as I switched to all the different attachments, on level 1, it just was too light buzzy, and wasn’t going to get me going, no way no how.

And then, once I’d tried out all the attachments (I really like the larger circle with the pokey things - that felt amazing!) on level 1, I kicked it up a notch to level 2.

As a friend would say, OH EM GEESE! Whole different ball game (I know I’m mixing my metaphors, and they didn’t play ball in the Old West…but bear with me!). It was this like deep, penetrating vibration…that was almost too much for ME to handle. *ME* She of the weapons grade sex toys. She of the Hitachi and Lelo. She of the “plug ‘er in, let ‘er rip.” Yeah. It was THAT strong. And it felt phenomenal…when I could take it.

Brilliant. Really. One level is good for massaging and a little teasing, the other excellent for getting off. I had to kind of re-train my body to get off using it, since it was so used to the Hitachi, but it was totally do-able.

One small problem with it is that it cramps my style a bit. Unlike the Hitachi which you can balance against you, or tuck into your underwear (thereby leaving your hands free for other fun things), you have to physically hold onto the Wahl as it vibrators your hands immensely. Slightly annoying, slightly frustrating….but still worth it

Like the Hitachi, the Wahl is definitely affordable, which is always a bonus. If I had to choose between the two, I’ll still go with my old favorite..but since I don’t, I’m happy to have both on call. 4.5 stars!

-Essin’ Em

When I first took this pure white bottle out of the package, I eyed it cautiously. On one side, it said Jimmy Jane (the company that makes it), and on the other, nothing more than a simple Spin Me. I’m sure you can understand my apprehension towards this mysterious bottle with only two words of instruction written upon in. Spin Me. Remind you of anything?

For me, it was a recall of a certain Alice in a certain Wonderland, coming across a bottle with two words of directions; Drink Me. I felt a little iffy about this game, but was willing to give it a try. I mean, remember what happened to Alice? This couldeither be very good or very bad.

I opened the cork, and saw that there were slips of instructions inside, but on my honor, I swear I didn’t read them. I place the bottle aside (on my kitchen counter…you know, with my other random toys to be reviewed), and patiently awaited a party to which I could bring this intriguing game. It said it could either be played by couples or in a group, and as I’m currently “non-long term partnered,” I figured a group setting would be best.

That is, until a certain adorable roller girl made her way over to my apartment for caramel apple pop martinis and hot tubbing. Voila - my chance! After we’d changed out of our swimsuits (me in a hot leopard print negligee, if I do say so myself), I brought out the bottle. “Here, this is what I was telling you about” I said as I handed it to her. “Want to play?”

We uncorked the bottle, and she went first. Unfortunately, the first one involved 5 minutes of role-playing complete strangers, and honestly, it wasn’t very fun or sexy. Luckily, the next slip was quite a bit sexier, and involved my lying down next to her on my leopard print LoveSac (yes, my outfit matched my furniture). The game continued on, and some of them were a little salacious (ever had a FREEZING cold ice cube ran all over your body in a semi-platonic setting? YOU try to not get turned on!), some of them silly, and some of them involved me placing a variety of sex toys into the awaiting hands of my blindfolded partner in crime, making her guess what they were (granted, I could have used anything, but sex toys were certainly more fun!).

Now, I could have waiting until I had someone I was having sex with to try this game out, true. But my reasoning was two fold; a) I don’t know how long that might take. It could be forever! and b) Spin the Bottle is meant as a flirtatious game, one that helps introduce people to each other, to begin to get more physical, etc. So what better way to test out the quality of this particular version of the game than by playing it with someone I thought was cute, but hadn’t even kissed? At times, I was hesitant to try some of the things, and chose a different instruction, but once she was gung ho enough to melt a star shaped ice cube all over my body, I figured we were good to go. Verdict on the ice-breaker part of the game (no pun intended): SUCCESS!

Overall, I thought the game was fun, and it did kill a little more than an hour of time. I wish they’d include some blank labels, so that each of us could have made up things to put on them. Also, it really seemed more oriented towards two people (and we actually never participated in the real spinning of the bottle, just handing it back and forth), but perhaps I’ll wait until there is a small house party of people I like and trust, and bring it there. I’ll update you, don’t worry.

As far as a sex toy, I’d give it 2 stars out of 5. I’m pretty certain that unless you’re already having sex with someone, this game isn’t going to get you laid. However, as a GAME, I’d give it 4 stars out of 5. It was fun, flirty, it’s non-intimidating (though I’d much rather it be a black bottle), and I certainly hope to get to make use of it again!

Want your very own Spin Me game by JimmyJane? Head yourself right on over to Babeland, and check it (and all their other sexy game products) out.

As a note of reassurance - I’m still alive and in one piece, with no trippy adventures…just fun memories of a night with a sweet and sassy girl, even though I obeyed the bottle’s instructions.

-Essin’ Em

So, I’ve hopped on
the Babeland band wagon, and have decided to start reviewing for this awesome, sex-positive, queer friendly site. They were kind enough to send me my very own bottle of
Babeland Natural Organic Lube to give a trial run.

As many of you know, I love the lube. A lot. I use it for everything; solo sex, fingering, fucking, fixing squeeky wheels. You name it, I lube it (ok, I’ve never used my cats, but close enough). I was excited to check out this all natural, organic lube.

Now, the bottle was nice — it was a pump bottle, which is awesome for when you’re in the moment, and don’t want to deal with either unscrewing caps, or else leaving the bottle open to spill all over your bed sheets. Surprisingly, the bottle was glass…which is both a positive and a negative. Positive because it’s more environmentally friendly than plastic, negative because my cats are all about knocking over breakable things. Either way, it was very pretty.

So I started by reading the label. 100% natural, 99% vegan. I’m not sure where that 1% goes to, but know it’s only 99% vegan.

Then I got a little confused when I was reading the ingredients…while they were all natural and organic items, they included vegetable glycerin and glucose, which are two things that cause yeast infections in some people. While they don’t tend to be an issue for me (knock on wood), they are for lots of vagina owners, so I’m not sure why I found them in this lube.

I opened up the bottle, and gave it a good whiff. Um. Yeah. Not so much. It smelled not like the beauty of the rainforest, or the pine trees of the rockies. It smelled like…I don’t even know…but nothing that I was excited to sniff. And it tasted even ickier.

With some hesitation, I put some on my fingers. It was thick, sticky, gooey. However, after rubbing my fingers together a bit, it dried out, or rubbed in relatively quickly. I wasn’t sure how I felt about this. I lathered up my cunt with some of the lube, and proceeded to fuck myself, and get myself off with
the Hitachi Magic Wand. About half way through, I had to reapply. And then again. It was drying out, or soaking into my skin. Either way, I was pretty unimpressed.

To be honest, lube wise, I’d recommend
Eros Bodyglide (not for use with silicone toys) or Sliquid H20 (water-based, good for everything, 100% vegan). Neither has glycerin (but Aqua, by the same company as bodyglide, does. Keep this in mind). But, at the very least, this Naturals Organic Lube was still better than all my experiences with KY.

-Essin’ Em